


Practice Makes Not So Perfect

by E_miche



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Badass Lexa, Clarke and Lexa get what they deserve, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Gifted children, Healer Clarke, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Clarke Griffin, Protective Lexa (The 100), Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, Violence, broken Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:40:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22158730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_miche/pseuds/E_miche
Summary: Footsteps. The echo of footsteps was back and that only meant one thing. Pain. There were currently 6 of them kept in the one room. Lexa was the oldest from what she could gather. While they were all malnourished and too small for their age, the others had younger faces and life in their eyes, which suggested that they hadn’t yet lost their hope. Hope for a different life. For a future. For peace. Lexa had lost that hope long ago.
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 86
Kudos: 242





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever attempt at writing anything creatively so please be kind.  
> This was a dream I had a while back and I've wanted to write it down and share the story ever since.  
> Happy for constructive feedback and any ideas you have to share.  
> Looking forward to riding this wave with you guys! :D

Footsteps. The echo of footsteps was back and that only meant one thing. Pain. There were currently 6 of them kept in the one room. Lexa was the oldest from what she could gather. While they were all malnourished and too small for their age, the others had younger faces and life in their eyes, which suggested that they hadn’t yet lost their hope. Hope for a different life. For a future. For peace.

Not Lexa. She couldn’t remember when she lost her hope but it felt like it was a lifetime ago. The one thing that kept her going was the chance to fuck with their captors and protect what innocence these children had left. She had learnt early on that by picking fights as soon as the footsteps stopped, she kept the attention on her and off the others. It was the only thing that she was able to control in this place.

“Lexa, don’t do this,” a young wiry girl with wild brown eyes begged. “Please, don’t do this. They’ll kill you. It’s too much!”

“Rae, you know I have to” Lexa replied warmly, “You have to stay and look out for the others while I’m gone. If there is a chance that anyone gets out of here, you can still have a life. You can make it. Until then, keep your head down and your mouth shut.”

The change in Lexa’s facial expression while she was talking would be shocking to anyone who didn’t know the girl. She went from radiating comforting warmth to ice cold, robotic and emotionless in seconds. Raven knew it was for self-preservation, but her heart ached for the older girl each time she saw the change. While these small actions were a clear picture of the emotional and mental pain that Lexa struggled with, there was so much evidence of her physical tourment on display. Lexa’s body was a canvas for hatred. What felt like years of hell and torture was clearly displayed across the girl’s body. Guilt ate away at Raven and the others, but each time the guards stepped foot in the room, they were frozen in fear. All except Lexa who once again sacrificed herself to protect the others. It was a sick, never ending cycle and Raven hated herself for it. “How could anyone possibly come out of this ok?” she asked herself on more than one occasion even though deep down, she already knew the answer. They couldn’t.

“Stand in line you little freaks!”

They were here. Every single day started and ended the same way. Lexa breathed in deeply through her nose. The stench of dirt and excrement burnt her nostrils; she was never able to get used to that smell. Here we go again, she told herself. Time to pick a fight.

“Didn’t you hear him you little shits? He said stand in line! Now!! Or I’m sure a good shredding will get you all moving faster” the second guard yelled, getting frustrated at their slow attempts to get to their feet. Shredding, Lexa internally shivered. One of their worst forms of torture, which the guards delighted in. There were multiple batons lining the walls of the interrogation room with miniature nails surrounding the surface of each. The number one tool for ‘shredding’ the flesh off of someone’s body.

“Why don’t you come up with some new threats? Or are you that well trained that you can’t create an original thought in those tiny, pathetic brains or yours?”

“Lexa, don-“ one of the children attempted to interrupt but Lexa kept motoring through, now on autopilot in order to get the job done.

“Tell me, what is it like living life on a tight leash? I bet you can’t even take a piss on your own without having your hands held!” Lexa knew right away that her insults were effective and stood back with a smirk on her face, looking like a smug teenager without a care in the world.

Guard number one… Bill or Bob, Lexa couldn’t remember. Some generic named nobody who loathed the fact that they could not control one, little teenage girl. He had one characteristic, bulging vein that would pulse from his left temple all the way up to the top of his balding head every time Lexa opened her mouth. He was her favourite ugly mug to push past breaking point and it was almost too easy for her.

“Listen here you-“ he began.

“No! You listen here!” Lexa shouted, “Or didn’t your mother teach you how to listen? Too busy sucking dicks on the streets huh?!”

“Come here!” Bob or Billy growled, roughly grabbing Lexa by the collar of her poor excuse for a shirt and dragged her out of the room. On their way out of the room, Lexa quickly looked back at the others. She could tell Raven was on the verge of doing something stupid and quickly shut her down with one piercing look. Green eyes met brown and a small shake of her head, silently communicating that the others needed her right now. To stay put. She knew she was asking Raven to fight her instincts each time this happened but she was forever grateful that the smaller girl respected her enough to follow her requests each time.

Out into the long, cold hallway the three of them went. Two pairs of footsteps heard- combat boots on the cold metal flooring, moving in sync like well trained puppy dogs. And one pair of bare skinned, small feet dragging along behind them. Lexa had learnt early on to store whatever energy she had for the hours of hell ahead of her. She knew what was coming and she couldn’t help the flutter of fear that still invaded her chest without her permission. She hadn’t quite learnt how to control all her emotions yet but she had plenty of time to practice. Practice makes perfect right?

They made their way into the second room. The only other room that Lexa had seen the inside of this facility. Again this room was cold with metal floors, walls and ceilings. A singular metal bench in the middle of the room supported on a pivot system so that it can be maneuvered into different positions and clasps on each corner to restrain the subjects wrists and ankles. This was her destination and she knew it well.

“Get up there.” One of the guards roughly shoved Lexa to the floor, pushing her toward the bench with a boot in the back. She fumbled onto her knees and eventually her feet, making her way to lie on the bench. While she couldn’t control the fumble of her body in its weakened state; she could control her mind and facial expressions, not giving them the satisfaction of know that they had any effect on her. Her wrists and ankles were promptly secured, the cold pinch of metal on her skin as the restraints were unnecessarily tightened beyond their limits.

“Now the fun begins,” one of them sneered in Lexa’s emotionless face. “What’s wrong? Lost all that fucking courage now that you’re at our mercy? Not so tough now, are you?” he spat.

“Brian!” a voice from behind the one-way mirror scolded. “Control yourself or get the hell out of the room.” Ahh, Brian. That was right, Lexa remembered. “Yes ma’am,” he quickly replied while eyeing Lexa with absolute animosity as she smirked at his response.

The heavy door beside the mirror slowly creaked open and out she stepped. Cold, lifeless, grey eyes stared at Lexa and a slow, wicked grin appeared across her face.

“Lexa, honey. You’re going to give us what we want today right? Surely you’d prefer to save yourself unnecessary time and pain. Imagine what we could actually accomplish if we worked together?”

Lexa bit back a response and turned her face away from the domineering presence standing in front of her.

“Heh, C’mon you can do better than that. Maybe we’ll round up the other subjects and have a group session. That will surely get a response out of you?”

Lexa turned back, stared into those lifeless eyes and spat in her face. “How’s that for a response you bitch?” she exclaimed.

The figure in front of her growled in rage and slammed her hand down onto the metal bead by Lexa’s head. It took everything in her not to flinch. Don’t show weakness, she reminded herself.

“Guards!” Lexa heard, “See what you can get out of her today. Any means necessary! Keep me updated on any progress.”

“Yes ma’am,” both guards obediently replied and just like that, Lexa was once again left alone in the room with two guards and their toys.

4 hours. Lexa watched the clock, following the slow ticking of the seconds’ hand as it coincided with the dripping of her blood onto the floor. The only sounds in the room, apart from the breathlessness of the guards as they exert themselves trying to get a reaction out of the girl chained to the bench. 4 hours was usually enough for them but much to Lexa’s internal despair, there seemed to be no end in sight today. She didn’t know what her limits were but she was pretty certain that they were getting extremely close to reaching them. The guards had moved on from the shredding that they threatened earlier, and were currently taking turns in meticulously lifting each fingernail from their nail bed and breaking individual bones in her feet with a custom set of pliers. By this stage, Lexa had still managed not to make a sound. Breathe in and hold, she told herself… and out. Eyes closed. No sound, no movement. Total control.

4 hours and 42 minutes and Lexa slipped. She lost her concentration for a split second and because of that there was an instant flickering of the lights and a loud, deafening crack of thunder outside. Two slimy grins appeared simultaneously on the guards’ faces. “Look who has come out to play,” Brian jeered as the second guard gained an extra bounce in his step. He appeared almost childlike in his glee and would have been endearing had it been in a normal, everyday environment. But nothing about this was normal.

“Keep going!” he exclaimed as they got out more toys to play with. Lexa was trying to block out the pain. Block out the tourment that was going on in her mind but it was all becoming too much. She took in a deep shuddering breath and held it, in an attempt to hold in her emotions. To maintain control.

“She’s breaking!” she heard one of them shout excitedly. She felt a sharp burn to her abdomen and looked down as one of their brands was pressed into her skin. The smell of burning flesh instantly reaching her nostrils and she instantly lost her breath that she was trying so hard to control.

Another crack of thunder was heard, this time accompanied with a loud groan as though the metal walls were bending to its will.

Another brand! Another broken bone! Another nail removed!

“Stop!” Lexa finally screamed, “Don’t, plea… please stop!” But it was of no use and everyone in the room, much to their premature delight, quickly realized that they had finally broken the girl on the bench. “I can’t believe it! We’ve done it! Go get Ni-“ All of a sudden there was a deafening roar and the roof to the room began to lift as more people entered the room and shocked voices began to shout.

“Hold your positions!”

“This can’t be happening!”

“How is she doing this?!”

Another loud roar as metal was ripped apart from metal and the roof pulled away. Lexa’s face slowly lifted to the night sky above them, now no barriers between them. With her back bent at an unnatural angle and her wrists and ankles still restrained, she let out a guttural, harrowing scream to the sky “Aarrggghhhhhhh!!!!!”

The people around her scattered as fast as their feet could carry them but were immediately surrounded by not only falling debris but also deafening wind and strikes of lightening that seemed to gravitate towards the screaming girl. They were stuck in the middle of a severe electrical storm with nowhere to go, no shelter to protect them and nothing to stop the storm that they had created.Lexa was no longer in control. A fierce blaze was felt burning through her body, building in intensity as the storm around her continued to rage. She heard nothing but static, smelt nothing but smoke and felt nothing but fire and for once she gave into the feeling.

Brian looked up from his curled position against one of the barely standing walls and looked over at the girl. His eyes widened in horror as her body contorted further and her restraints were no longer able to hold her. He slowly began to realize what a grave error they had made. They were not only promised a large sum beyond their wildest dreams, but also safety. And as the storm continued to build around them, the realisation that his life was now in imminent danger began to overwhelm Brian beyond the point of rational thinking and he quickly jumped to his feet and ran. He ran for his life. A life that ended in the blink of an eye with a single strike of lightening. The dull thud of his body hitting the ground was heard by no one. There was no one left to hear it. For the indestructible facility that had once been established to contain gifted (or as they had been told daily, mutated) children and turn them into weapons had just been destroyed by one of their subjects. Lexa’s ability to control the elements around her had finally exploded. They got what they wanted out of her and it cost them their lives.

Lexa, lying in the burning debris was unable to focus. A deep bleeding gash leaving a continuous stream of blood from her hairline obviously the cause but all Lexa could do in the moment was give in to her body’s need to finally rest. It was over. They were gone and with it, she hoped to go as well. Just as her eyes were drooping though, giving into the weight behind them, a small voice in her subconscious reminded her of her mission. Protect the other children. Get them out of there safely. Give them a chance of a future.

She slowing pulled herself up onto her torn elbows with all of her remaining strength. Shooting pain surging through her back and left thigh, which had a large piece of shrapnel deeply imbedded in but she had to keep going. There were people depending on her and she needed to find them.

“Get up. Get Up Lexa!” she growled at herself, willing her body to do things it seamed unable to at this moment in time. Inch by inch she pivoted on her stomach, enough to see the side of the building that they had all been held captive in.

“No…” Lexa gasped, the building was no longer there. The ceiling had totally collapsed and small pits of fire could be seen surrounding the area.

“Noooo! Get up… Move Lexa!!” she shouted at herself. Tears now streaming down her face, mixing with the blood still oozing from her forehead, creating trails down her face through the charred, smoky layer of soot on her tanned skin.

“Get up!” she sobbed as her arms collapsed, falling into a heap, hit with the realization that if grown men hadn’t survived her storm, how could five, small, malnourished children. Surely they couldn’t have survived that.

They were gone.

“Gone...” she choked into the smoke that surrounded her on the ground. She had done this. She was responsible. She had become the monster that the captors had wanted her to be. Now everyone was gone, and with them; the last of Lexa’s will to survive quickly followed. Eyes finally falling shut, Lexa gave in to the weight of exhaustion, fading into nothingness. Numbness.

Gone.


	2. Blue Meets Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for replies to the first chapter.  
> So this one is a bridging chapter with the next one nearly finished.  
> Should be posting chapter 3 in the next few days.  
> Hope you enjoy!

“This year’s wild fires have been the most destructive on record, with scores killed and entire communities leveled. Those who were there to witness this devastation don’t need convincing that the weather and climate are both changing. This could not be more evident as we cross now to the severe floods effecting the South Indian state of Kerala where thousands have been displaced and the death toll continues to rise…”

The morning report continued to sound through the small apartment just as the sun was beginning to rise above the windowsills and the shrill sound of an antique alarm rudely made itself known. An arm slammed down out of nowhere, knocking the alarm off the cluttered bedside table and a muffled groan emerged from beneath the many layers on the bed.

Lexa was not known for being a morning person. It took her at least a couple of hours to appear somewhat civil and as a contributing member of society as well as multiple morning coffees. This is why she was extremely content spending most of her days on the docks with minimal human interaction. Day in day out, Lexa was able to block out most of the world around her and this suited her fine. As she got out of bed, she had to spend extra time stretching out her tight, painful muscles that were particularly unforgiving through Seattle’s brisk winters. This was the price she pain for living in a city with enough horrible weather to mask any possible slips in control that she might have. It had been a blessing over the last five years.

She slowly made her way into the bathroom, turning on the hot water to steam up the room. The rusted mirror fogged immediately but this was of little concern to Lexa as she rarely looked at her reflection, almost fearing what was peering back at her. Evidence of her past displayed over most parts of her body.

Ridding her body of her flannelette pajamas, Lexa stepped under the scalding hot flow and let it wash away the deep ache in her muscles. After ten minutes of this and feeling almost human, she went through her morning routine as she did each day, not really paying attention to anything that she was doing until she was dressed in her overalls and boots ready for the commute into work.

Looking up into the miserable, wet, chilly sky, Lexa mumbled to herself, “here we go again,” finally stepping out into the world.

***

Clarke was not naive enough to think of herself as perfect. She was not a perfect student. Not a perfect daughter, and definitely not a perfect environmentalist. But she believed with all her being that there would be real change in the world if instead of trying to be perfect, everyone just tried. Full stop. Even if they tried and failed, there would still be change with enough people on board. So here she was, in all of her imperfect glory with a group of young activists, bracing the fiercely low temperatures, attempting to get as many people as possible to understand the current crisis facing this world.

Still in her final years of med school, having taken time off to travel the world, Clarke was struggling to manage her study, work life and passion for all things creative. Alive. Thought evoking. “This is worth it,” she told herself. She was here to take her part in the fight for all things living.

Looking out onto the wet street, there was a sea of colourful signs and voices could be heard chanting “The climate is changing, so why aren’t we? There is no planet B!” Looking around the group, there were faces looking on with disgruntled inconvenience. How dare these activists disrupt their day in attempts to get them to minimize their creature comforts? This is what is wrong with the world today. Young idealists who have not lived long enough to know what the real world is really like. What real struggle is really like? Get rid of our mining industries and there is no production of the resources required to sustain modern life on this planet. It would send us into the dark ages. If these people stopped to have an actual conversation with the group, Clarke imagined that this is the argument that would come out of their mouths.

It always was.

And so was born the belief that one single individual would never change enough to count. Would never change enough to make a difference.

Taking a deep breath in and looking over to her two closest friends, Clarke had to laugh. The two energetic brunettes were bouncing around, trying to stay warm while chanting louder than the others. Running down their faces was green war paint, appearing as though they were going into battle and the girls could not look happier about it if they tried.

“O! Rae! C’mon! We’ve gotta go hit the shops. These guys can handle the crowds.” Shaking her head with a grin as the two girls bounced over to her still chanting, they slowly started to make their way down the street lined with busy cafes. Morning commuters were lined up each grabbing their coffees to go ant this was a perfect opportunity to gain a few more supporters. Post purchasing coffee of course when the customers were that little bit friendlier having finally got their hands on their daily caffeine hit.

The girls split and went to different shops to spread out their search for support. Clarke made her way towards ‘Land and Sea Coffee’, which prided itself on using recycled products. “Perfect,” she whispered to herself, feeling hopeful as she eyed the customers lining up. She stood by the exit and waited.

The first customer that she saw exit was a tall man, dressed neatly in his pristine suit, pressed neatly to the very edges and definitely no scuff marks on his black, leather shoes.

“Excuse me,” Clarke urged, holding up a flier. “May I-“

“No.” The man kept walking without adding anything further, keeping his eyes downcast, as far away from the girl as possible.

“Rude,” Clarke mumbled to herself. Shaking it off and attempting to plaster an open, welcoming look on her face, preparing herself for the next customer.

After 30 minutes, Clarke had experienced a mixed bag. There were a couple of people who seemed genuinely interested and spoke to her about their upcoming trivia night, raising awareness of the group and their future plans. Then there were others who showed borderline aggression at having their peaceful morning routine interrupted for something as juvenile as the environment.

Just as she was turning away to fine the others, Clarke saw a figure out of the corner of her eye walking her way. Head down, overalls and shoes that had definitely seen hard work and a coat pulled so far over her head that you could see nothing but sprouts of brown hair shooting out from underneath. Clarke wandered over to her, unsure as to why. She was almost certain that the reception she would receive would not be a positive one but she still felt drawn to this girl somehow.

“Hi,” she said simply. Not followed by anything else, just waiting there for a response with a warm smile on her face. Steps faltered and green eyes flicked up from beneath the hooded coat. Clarke’s breath almost audibly hitched for they were the greenest eyes she had ever seen. Rich forest green that held her attention long past the millisecond that they made contact.

The girl kept walking without a response and Clarke quickly jolted into action. “Hey, umm… I just wanted to ask you to join me... ahh us I mean at our trivia night. It’s to raise awareness and support for climate action you see…” Clarke hesitated as the girl kept walking, speeding up her pace while mumbling, “I’m not interested.”

For some reason, Clarke was unable to let this one go. “But please, you must realise that something needs to be done. We need all the support we can get. We need to take action!” Clarke was all of a sudden hit with a wave of frustration as she was again ignored. “Hey!” she shouted with a new bite to her tone, “Don’t you care?” She jogged to keep up with the girl’s quickened pace. Without thinking, she reached out to touch the girl’s arm who in response, quickly spun on the spot while yanking her arm back.

“No I don’t,” was the response that she received while the girl appeared to be attempting to both control her breathing and glare at Clarke. Clarke stood there, hands raised, shocked into stillness by the monotone, soulless response. She felt a wave of deep sadness hit her in the chest as she watched to girl slowly turn and walk away. Her green eyes, while beautiful, were void of life and Clarke felt a need to help somehow. She found herself asking out loud, “What happened to you?” as green eyes turned a corner, disappearing out of sight. The only response being a small gust of wind that chilled Clarke to the core.

“Clarke!” was yelled, shaking Clarke out of her trance as Raven jumped onto her back; holding on like a monkey and refusing to let go. “O and I have finished all the joints in this street. Lets hit one of these places and grab a coffee. My ass feels permanently frozen! I need some heat baby!”

“Get off Rae, you’re a pain in MY frozen ass!” she laughed, forgetting about the girl who had just invaded her mind minutes earlier. “C’mon, lets go,” Octavia said, grabbing them both by their elbows and dragging them down the street. “We can fill each other in on all the assholes that graced us with their presence today. Asshole of the day anyone?” she asked as the others laughed along. “You’re on!”

***

Lexa kept walking. It was six blocks to get to the docks and while she usually caught the bus, she thought today would be a good day to mix it up. Get some fresh air. In the freezing cold, wet weather. “Idiot,” she chastised herself.

Still trying to calm her breathing, Lexa thought back to the girl with blonde hair and blue, hopeful eyes. Still an optimist, Lexa thought to herself. Clearly this girl had not seen much of the world, a world that she was herself was no longer a part of.

“Climate action she says… she has no idea. She’d need to take on her government first! Good luck with that blue eyes!” Lexa chuckled to herself as she made her way through the wired fence at the entrance to the shipping docks. Shaking off her coat, she made her way into the office, clocking on for the day while still muttering to herself about the morning’s events.

“What’s got your nickers in a twist this morning?” she heard to the side of the unmanned desk. “Mornin’ Anya,” was all that Lexa replied, while attempting to attach her ID to her front with shaking, numb fingers.

“So?” Anya asked again after a few moments of silence, watching the brunette struggle with a small quirk to the side of her mouth. She wore her usual hoody, jeans and docs, which was unusual for a dock master, but Anya was anything but normal. She preferred comfort to professional style and it actually helped the operators and dockhands to view her in a more approachable light while still respecting her. It was a win/win.

“Nothin’, just got held up by some greenie protestor wanting me to join their trivia night or something,” Lexa replied.

“Was she cute?” Anya asked, smirk slowly making its way onto her face.

“Shut it An. And I never said it was a she. It could have been some old, balding tree hugger for all you know.”

“Yeah, but an old, balding tree hugger wouldn’t consume your thought for six blocks now would they. It must have been a pretty girl,” Anya laughs as she jumps off the desks patting a scowling Lexa on her shoulder. “Better get to it, I’ll see you out there, commander,” she says while making her way out of the sliding glass doors.

Lexa watches her go, mind wandering back to blue eyes and she forcefully shakes her head. Throwing her empty coffee cup into the trashcan on her way out, she mutters to herself, “I need more caffeine.”


	3. Who are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes!  
> I hope you enjoy :)

The day was dragging on for Lexa. Being the middle of winter, not only was there day-to-day traffic through the port; there were also a number of independent boats to be stored on the hard and kept out of the elements. Currently in the process of securing a 60ft catamaran, Lexa was reversing the trailer into the dockyard to secure the boat on land while being propped up on stilts.

“Hey, wanna grab a bite to eat after you finish here? There’s not much incoming traffic this afternoon so we should be able to get out of here with no problems,” Anya asked as she was overseeing the transfer.

It didn’t take long for Lexa to decline, “I dunno, I kind of want to just head home and veg out,” she replied.

“C’mon Lexa… it’s been months since we’ve actually hung out, outside of work,” Anya tried. “We need to get you out of this rut, it’s getting worse Lex. You rarely leave your apartment, it’s like you’re afraid of actually living.”

“Leave it alone Anya,” lexa warns. “We’re not having this conversation again. I’m comfortable, ok? I don’t need to get ‘out and about?’”

Lexa continued to secure the roped around the boat now that it had been settled onto stilts. She refused to acknowledge Anya who continued to stand to the side observing the brunette, movements jerking with extra force due to the comments that had been made.

“Please Lexa?” Anya spoke quietly as Lexa made her frustration known.

“I’m just worried about you gurl.”

Lexa’s eyes flickered up towards the lone figure. The first thing people noticed when looking at Anya was her sculptured cheek bones and flawless skin, but all Lexa could focus on in that moment was the concern in the other girl’s eyes. 

“Just dinner. Nowhere fancy and definitely no clubs, just us,” Lexa relented and watched as the tension quickly left the other’s shoulders.

“Just us,” Anya replied with a smile as she turned, retreating back to the office.

“Anya!” Lexa called out watching her turn, raising a single eyebrow in response.

“Thanks for caring,” she said with a lopsided smile.

“You made it awkward,” was the only response she received. Lexa chuckled to herself as she watched Anya retreat with a shake of her head. It was rare that the two of them had a deep and meaningful conversation but Lexa knew that Anya was one of the only people in her life that truly loved her, who had her back and vice versa. Words weren’t really needed.

***

Closing the door to her apartment, Lexa shed her coat hanging it by the entrance and turned the heat on. Dinner had turned out to be a great decision with Lexa and Anya finding a small Chinese restaurant hidden down the side of an alleyway, not far from work. Anya even managed to get Lexa laughing openly a couple of times, which was a pretty rare sight these days. Walking through the quiet apartment, getting ready for her shower and bed, Lexa remembered a conversation towards the end of dinner.

_“Sooooo. The girl this morning?” Anya enquired with caution, knowing that she had already pushed her luck with Lexa today. “Anya!!” Lexa sighed, rolling her eyes in the process._

_“What? Don’t tell me you haven’t been thinking of her. Did you at least get her name?”_

_“What’s the point An? You know why I didn’t. Even if I were interested, once she got a good look at me and at my life, she would run in the opposite direction. Anyway, she was annoying and grabby. I don’t need that in my life,” Lexa quickly deflected._

_Anya took pause, not wanting to anger her friend again but also needing her to know that she deserved better. “You’re going to meet a girl one day Lex who looks at you and see’s the universe. When you find her, please, please let her in, I promise she won’t run. If she does, you have my permission to get a punch in next time we spar,” she said, finishing on a lighter note. Lexa smirked, too tired to argue again, the good food definitely helping to maintain a level of calmness. She also realized that there was a fraction of her mind that was actually entertaining the idea of someone not running._  


Shaking out of her thoughts, Lexa climbed into bed, skin red and sensitive from the hot water. She sighed into the soft sheets letting her thoughts still for the first time that day. So much had happened and it was all because she decided to walk to work that morning. “Tomorrow I’m catching the damn bus,” she mumbled to herself as she drifted off to sleep, hopeful that tomorrow would be a more peaceful day.

***

She was strapped down to the bench again.

Wrists and ankles secured. Searing pain a constant across her entire body.

She was at her breaking point and could hear the gleeful voiced of the captors to the side of the room.

“No! Stop!!!!!” her screams fell on deaf ears as the torture continued.

All of a sudden, the doors open. Out walks the woman with sharp grey eyes and intimidating stance, although this time she looked different. Her body was scarred, almost like she had been burnt and it added to the fear that she seemed to provoke whenever she entered a room.

“Did you think that we wouldn’t find you again Lexa?” she laughed. “You are our greatest subject. We will never let you go.”

Lexa’s breathing was becoming erratic, both from the pain and the words just spoken to her.

It had been 8 years.

She couldn’t be back here. How had they found her? There was a loud clap of thunder and her heart jumped in sheer panic.

It was happening again, just like last time.

Just as Lexa was about to break, she noticed something different. Something that didn’t happen before. The single door to the left of her opened and there she was; blue eyes staring back.

“No,” Lexa whispered to herself, struggling to understand what was happening. “No, you shouldn’t be here! You need to leave,” she pleaded, voice rising in panic. Jerking from side to side, lexa attempted to break free of her restraints while the girl simply looked on calmly.

“Look at me,” she says as green locks onto blue.

“You shouldn’t be here either,” she tells Lexa, “come with me.”

“Enough!” was shouted from the other side of the room, as figures quickly moved towards the two girls. Lexa looked back at the girl, eyes wide with fear. But still, the girl looked back, completely calm.

“Come with me,” she repeated as one of the guard’s lashes out again.

There was another sharp pain, a deafening crack of thunder and a streak of lightening and just like that, Lexa was awake.

Unable to catch her breath or calm her racing heart, it took her a while to realize that she was safe in her apartment, tangled in her sheets that were now damp with sweat.

“Just a dream,” she reassured herself between gasping breaths, “it was just a dream.” Rain and thunder continued to hammer her window as she looked out into the darkness.

Across town, a blonde girl bolted upright in bead. Woken by a crash of thunder, a streak of lightening and a flash of green across her eyelids. “What the hell was that?” Clarke asked herself, heart racing.

***

It took Lexa all of 30 minutes to control her breathing and reduce her heart rate back down to an acceptable level. Nightmares were a regular occurrence for her but never before had the ending changed like it just had. Dreams were just your mind processing new information. New faces, right? “That’s all it is,” Lexa told herself as she moved to get out of bed. It was 4am but Lexa knew she wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep tonight. She stripped off her damp clothes and headed straight to the kitchen, her apartment now warm enough to heat her body without layers of clothing. She set out to make a coffee for her first caffeine fix of the day and then went to the small table by the window, opening her laptop as she took a seat.

Instead of scrolling through her usual searches, Lexa opened up a new search bar and typed in ‘Seattle climate groups.’ Thousands of results appeared and Lexa immediately scrolled through the meetup site, hoping that there was an upcoming trivia night listed amongst the ads.

“What am I doing?” she chastised herself, “This is ridiculous.”

However despite her own disapproval she kept looking, probably longer than she should have. She didn’t want to get involved in this fight. This was not her fight, she reminded herself and still, she kept searching.

Coffee now cold and forgotten at the side of the table, Lexa leaned closer to the screen and zoomed in on a small picture. There was nothing mentioned in the ad about trivia but what caught her attention was the green streaks of paint running down the faces in the picture. ‘Blue eyes’ didn’t have any paint when she stopped Lexa that day, but as she turned the corner in her hurry, out of the corner of her eye she had seen almost a sea of faces painted the same way.

“This is them,” she said to the empty room and clicked on the group.

Immediately scrolling through the pictures, Lexa continued her search until she was half way down the page. There she was. Standing in the middle of two other girls with painted faces, their arms around each other. The two brunettes appeared to be laughing at one another, bending at their waists, leaning across the girl in the middle. She looked oblivious to her two friends, standing tall with an almost breathtaking smile on her face. She looked so open, so free Lexa thought to herself. Eyes scanning the bottom of the picture, the caption revealed the names of the girls and her attention immediately zeroed in on the middle name, ‘Clarke Griffin’

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered, catching herself as her hand comes out to touch the screen, “who are you?” she asked herself.

She scrolled back to the top of the page and found the next meet up, assuming it would be the event they were promoting earlier that day.

There at the very top she read,

‘Trivia night- This Friday!

$10 entry fee will get you a night filled with food,

drinks, laughter and good natured competition.

Bring along all your nature facts because you’re going to need them to come out on top!

Starts 6pm- Westlake Community Centre

Don’t Miss Out!’

“Friday, that’s tomorrow,” Lexa reminded herself and her heart seemed to skip a beat at the thought of actually going to the event. Was Anya right? Maybe there was more to life than restless sleep and work. Could she actually let herself experience the joys of life that everyone seemed to advertise so openly and unashamedly? Lexa really didn’t know.

***

Work that day was pretty mundane. No one interrupted her while attending to the incoming vessels and Anya appeared to be held up with processing a large shipment coming the following week. Lexa was slightly relieved if she was honest with herself, afraid that Anya would be able to read the internal nerves and rush of jitters each time she thought of trivia that night. Before she knew it she was clocking out for the day, giving a short nod to the other hands on her way out, not indulging in any of the small talk they take part in for an extra half hour each day.

She caught the bus, having decided to take a change of clothes to work with her before bussing it to the community centre instead of making multiple trips. When she arrived at her stop, she gingerly made her way off the bus while looking up to the end of the street. And there it was.

Two blocks away, Lexa could see the cars gathering and her heart quickly picked up its pace.

“You can do this,” she told herself, making her way down the street towards the event.

Lexa walked up the stairs leading to the centre that was housing tonight’s trivia night. Walking to the large doors that remained open for the event, Lexa was able to peer inside and assess the situation. The night appeared to be underway already with 4 people on a stage, capturing the audiences attention.

Clarke was one of them, Lexa noticed right away. She was joined by the two brunette girls who were in the picture with Clarke and a boy who looked to be around their age with brown, floppy hair. As they were explaining the rules to the crowd, Lexa looked to her left and saw that there was a storage cage holding sporting equipment for the hall. Thankfully, Lexa noticed that it provided enough shadow to shield her from prying eyes so she quickly made her way to the side while keeping her eyes glued to the stage.

_“Australia’s Great Barrier Reef is the world’s longest. The second longest barrier reef lies off the coast of which country?”_

“ **Belize** , in Central America.”

The hosts went through each question, giving the crowd a minute to answer before reading out the answer. Lexa observed the room; looking at each table while taking it all in and there was quite a large turn out much to her surprise. Ten long tables were set out along the basketball court with a portable stage propped up to the side. Each table seated about ten people and they all appeared to be enjoying themselves; also to Lexa’s surprise. No matter what she learnt of the outside world, she was still shocked that people seemed to enjoy such social events.

“ _Gentoo, Chinstrap and Adelie are all species of which animal?”_

“They are all **penguins!”**

Lexa watched from the shadows as Clarke and the guy with floppy hair asked the questions and tried to control the crowd. However it was clear that they had lost control over the two other girls on stage, if they had any to begin with. The two brunettes were currently waddling around the back of the stage, imitating penguins as the answer was called out. It was that ridiculous that she caught herself laughing along with others in the crowd who were drawn to their antics.

“Ok everyone! Here comes the final question!” calls out ‘floppy hair’ and just like that, Lexa stood tall, tension returning to her body and unsure what to do once all of this was over.

“Which part of the Earth lies betwee--” 

Lexa tuned out as she was watching Clarke on stage. She looked like she belonged on the stage, like she was able to hold the attention of a room full of people at the drop of a hat. She watched the girl glance around the room, looking out at the crown with a warm, inviting presence when all of a sudden their eyes made contact. Both sets of eyes immediately widened in shock, a gasp from the blonde’s mouth clearly heard through the microphone. Lexa didn’t know what to do and in her shocked state quickly turned to flee the room before anything could happen.

Watching the other girl flee, Clarke quickly glanced to the others on stage with her, mouthing ‘I have to go’ before grabbing her bag and running after the brunette.

“Wait!” she called once she made her way out of the front doors. Looking around, she saw the brunette hesitate on the top stair and slowly turn towards her as she tried to catch up.

Stopping a couple of feet in front of the girl, Clarke, with her hands on her hips, tried to catch her breath.

They spent a moment just looking at each other under the crisp, night sky, both grateful that the weather has cleared up unlike the night before.

“Who are you?” Clarke finally asks, almost like she needed to know.

“No one,” Lexa replied and she watched the girls brows furrow in response.

There was a silent pause and then, “Who are you?” Clarke asks again. She feels a jolt of fear but is unsure what she is afraid of; surely it’s not of the brunette standing before her. This time she received no response, so she continues.

“Why are you here?”

“I don’t know.”

“You said you didn’t care.”

“I know,” Lexa whispered quietly, the other girl almost missing the words spoken.

Clarke took her in. Watched her nervous movements as they’re both standing there near the entrance. The brunette was completely covered again, almost a mirror image of the other day. Boots on, dark pants and a long oversized coat that seemed to swallow the girl whole. There was a nervous shuffle in her stance, as though she was unable to stand still for long, itching to get as far away as possible from where she was currently standing. Clarke watched her as she looked down to her feet, strands of hair falling to cover her face.

“Do you wanna grab a coffee?” she asked, wondering herself where that came from.

Lexa’s head jerked up in surprise as if she forgot that the other girl was still there, “Now?” she asked uncertainly.

“Sure,” Clarke responded, again with the warm, open smile that seems to come so naturally to her.

“I umm… I’m not sur--”

“Please? My shout,” Clarke added in hoping that this would make all the difference.

After a long pause, she heard a quiet “Ok” and released a breath that she didn’t know she was holding. “OK,” Clarke replied in turn with a grin, “my name’s Clarke.”

“Lexa.”

Neither girl knew where the frustration from a couple of days ago had gone or why they were drawn to each other. All Lexa knew was that she felt calm around this girl.

“Clarke,” she whispered quietly to herself as Clarke turned and started walking. Almost as though she was testing the name on her lips, even though she’s already said it too many times since discovering the photo. She started to walk down the steps following Clarke, totally oblivious to the soft smile on the other girls face.


	4. Into The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you're still enjoying this.  
> Thanks for all your feedback! It's very much appreciated!  
> Keep it coming :D

They made their way into a small, deserted diner a couple of blocks away. Having walked under the clear night sky, there was very little traffic around and very few words spoken between the two. It was a comfortable silence that they both took comfort in. As the bell chimed above the door, an older lady with tired eyes greeted them with a crooked smile.

“Take your pick ladies,” she said gesturing around the empty space. “Not much traffic in here tonight,” she said as if it wasn’t obvious at first glance.

Making their way to one of the back tables, they both took a seat facing each other.

Once again, Clarke was watching the nervous girl in front of her. The brunette was currently looking around the table in front of them, eyes scanning from the utensils, to the window and back again. Finally taking a deep breath she looked up at the blonde with apprehension.

“Relax,” Clarke told her gently while resisting the urge to reach across and place her hand on top of Lexa’s. “It’s just coffee right?”

“Coffee,” Lexa repeated. “Right,” she said as if reminding herself that she could do this.

“So you came to the trivia night,” Lexa looked up seeing a grin on the blondes face. “What’d ya think?

After hesitating slightly, Lexa replied “It was… entertaining?” making Clarke let out a small laugh she was previously trying to hold in. “Is that a statement of a question?” she asked.

Lexa began to relax back into her seat as the blonde took control of the conversation. Seemingly happy that for now, the brunette was content staying quiet while watching the animated girl sitting in front of her. She wondered how it would feel to be so open and talkative with a total stranger like Clarke was. It was such a bizarre thought for Lexa, who was seriously struggling to picture herself in that same spot.

“We really weren’t meant to be seen doing this out in the public eye,” Lexa heard, quickly tuning back into the conversation. “It would look bad wouldn’t it? Someone working their way through med school possibly ending up on television as one of these ‘greenies’ who are leeching off the rest of society. But I had to do something and I’m lucky that the girls seemed just as enthusiastic when I first mentioned the group to them. They’re pretty great. A handful, don’t get me wrong, but they would have my back no matter what ya’ know?”

Lexa’s eyes slowly widened as Clarke went on with her rambling. It almost seemed as though the girl didn’t know how to take a breath. ‘Was it possible for someone to go this long without breathing?’ she wondered to herself.

“And then we dragged one of our other friends along. You would have seen him up on stage with us? Finn is his name. He’s actually dated a couple of us in our group. Was a bit messy there for a while but he’s harmless once you get to know him. He loves goofing off so any chance to stand up and make a fool of himself he’s keen.”

Clarke paused; finally taking a deep breath in, she took in the bewildered look on Lexa’s face.

“So what do you do Lexa?” she asked suddenly, realizing that she was possibly overwhelming the other girl.

“Oh, umm I work at Sea Break marina, one of the dockhands over there,” Lexa replied sheepishly. It’s not like she was ashamed of her job, but she felt somewhat inadequate talking to someone who was working towards becoming a doctor. “It’s pretty dull most days but we have a good crew.”

“Pretty physical work?” Clarke’s innocent look given away by the glint in her eyes.

“Ah ha yeah, can be,” Lexa replied just as Clarke’s phone buzzed between them. Looking down at her phone, Lexa noticed Clarke biting her bottom lip, brow furrowed. “Something wrong?” she asked.

“Oh, umm it’s just the guys asking where I am. I hate to ask but would you mind if they came here? I kind of bailed on them without explanation and they’re my lift out of here,” the blonde asked nervously.

Lexa’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of being in the middle of a social situation. Was she ok with this? But looking at the blonde’s nervous face, she felt a physical need to make that look disappear.

“Yeah, no worries,” she replied with false bravado and watched as a relieved smile replaced the frown on Clarke’s face.

“Thank you so much Lexa,” she said while quickly sending a reply through to the group. “They shouldn’t be too far away.”

“So…” Clarke leaned forward on the table, resting her chin on her hands like she was preparing herself for some good gossip. “Tell me about yourself.”

Lexa froze like a deer in the headlights, “umm, what do you want to know?”

“Well, all I know at this stage is your name, where you work, where you buy your coffee and that you ‘don’t care’ about the environment. Although I think that last point was a definite lie,” Clarke said with a smirk. “What do you like? What do you do for fun?”

“uhh I like running I suppose. I do that most days in my time off. I don’t really do much to be honest, go out with a good friend from time to time. Anya thinks it’s her responsibility to get me to try new things. I don’t know if I’m lucky or unlucky to have her in my life. She’s way too pushy” Lexa chuckled mostly to herself.

“She sounds like good people,” Clarke says warmly. “Yeah, she is,” Lexa replied with a matching smile.

Clarke got another message on her phone and looked out the window as her friends made their way across the road before turning back to Lexa.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I left in kind of a hurry and they were worried,” she explains with a shrug of her shoulder.

“It’s fine, really,” Lexa replied with a smile, “I don’t mind but I should probably be heading home soon.” Just then, the bell chimed again for only the second time that night and in entered three, boisterous figures.

“Clarkyyy! This is where you got to Princess!” one of the girls said, sliding her way next to Clarke and draping her arm over the girl with familiar fondness. It was clear to Lexa that this girl in front of her was deeply loved by her friends.

“Hey guys,” Clarke replied with a grin, “sorry for bailing on you but I had a sudden urge for coffee,” she explained.

Lexa was beginning to feel awkward knowing that introductions were approaching; she attempted to prepare herself for what was coming. Clarke looked up and smiled gently at her before speaking. “So, like I was saying earlier, this doofus is Finn then these two bitches are my ride or dies, Octavia and Raven,” she finished pointing each one out. “Guys, this is lexa.”

Lexa went to put her hand out like a functioning member of society to shake the hands of the newcomers and in that moment, she heard a sharp intake of breath. Following the sound, Lexa’s eyes travelled to brunette sitting beside Clarke who’s eyes were trained on the scars peaking out between Lexa’s coat arm and gloves. She pulled her hand back as if she had been burnt, mumbling a quick apology to the group and looked down at her hands, now clasped tightly in her lap. 

“L.. Lexa?” the girl asked with a shaky whisper.

Lexa was confused, glancing back and forwards between the two girls in front of her she realized that Clarke looked just as confused as she was.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked having noticed the confused look on Lexa’s face.

“Rave--”

“Lexa? It’s me, Raven…. Rae,” Raven desperately cut in. Lexa froze, ‘What was this girl in front of her saying?’ A clearly distressed Raven continued, almost pleading for Lexa to understand.

“Lexa! Remember?!” she cried, reaching over the table, pulling up her sleeve and baring her forearm for all of them to see.

There in the middle of her arm was a brand burnt into her skin. A brand that Lexa knew all too well, and had only seen during the worst moments of her life.

Seeing the burn had an immediate physical effect on Lexa. Pushing back from the table aggressively and scraping her chair across the floor, Lexa jerked her head up to look at the brunette who was now struggling to contain the tears gathering in her eye.

“No,” Lexa started to shake her head from side to side, standing up quickly backing away from the group.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked in concern for the clearly distressed girl in front of them.

“No!” She repeated firmly, still backing way from the table, eyes locked on Raven.

“No, this can’t…. you can’t… you died. You all died!” she yelled. Unable to catch her breath, Lexa continued to shake her head while muttering to herself; trying to convince herself that this was not happening.

The others were getting up out of their seats now, able to see the distress on Lexa and Raven’s faces but unsure what they should do to help the girls.

“Lexa!” Raven cried, tears spilling over attempting to reach out to the girl who took a sharp step backwards. It was obvious to Raven that this was not going well. Lexa was very likely heading for a panic attack and was quickly losing control judging by the weather gathering outside.

“What the hell?” Finn asked as he looked outside following a flash of lightening that lit up the now angry sky, making them all jump; heavy rain blurring out the windows.

“Lexa please,” Raven tried again. “We thought you died in the storm. I would never have left if I’d know you were still alive. I would never…”

“No!” Looking between the four people now standing in front of her with varying displays of concern and confusion, Lexa went on. “Is this some kind of sick Joke?”

“Lex--”

“NO! You’re not real!!!” Lexa screamed, finally making her way past the group to the door of the diner.

Bursting through the door, Lexa made her way headfirst into the rain pelting down from the sky, ignoring the calls from behind her that were quickly lost in the wind. Unable to control her breathing or heart rate, Lexa started to jog; she had to get away. This was not real, not happening. It couldn’t be. They all died. Lexa had killed everyone.

Running in the general direction of her apartment block, Lexa tried to slow her thoughts and take in where she was. “Breathe in… hold. Breathe out,” she repeated to the beat of her footsteps on the sidewalk. “In…out.” Letting out a sob, Lexa chastised herself. “C’mon! In…Out!”

After running for what felt like hours but in reality was probably only 20 minutes, Lexa stumbled on a familiar site. She knew this street. This was where she came on her days off for her morning paper and coffee. Turning left down a side street, Lexa knew she only had to continue for four more blocks and she would be home. She was now alert enough to feel her soaked clothes and the shivering pain, almost like pins and needles covering her body. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. “In…out,” she repeated, focusing on the physical pain while blocking out the inner turmoil that was fighting for control. “It’s not real,” she whispered. “In…out.”

***

“Raven, what the fuck?” Octavia asked, “What the hell just happened?”

Raven just stood there, looking at the swinging door of the diner, watching Clarke walk back in from the rain. “Raven?” Clarke hesitated. Moving in front of the other girl, Clarke rested her hands on the tear-streaked cheeks pulling Raven’s face towards hers. “Please Raven. Tell me what is going on. How do you know Lexa?”

“I…” Raven choked, unable to get her words out.

“Was it from before? From your foster home?” Finn asked, concern written all over his face as Raven nodded in response. Knowing she was lying to her friends but too afraid to disclose the truth, Raven pushed through. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Lexa was there too.”

Clarke looked in with tears in her eyes. “But I though all the kids were taken away to safe homes once they were arrested. Why did you think Lexa died? What storm?”

“I can’t…” Raven pleaded looking into Clarke’s eyes, barley keeping it together. “Please Clarke, not now.”

“Ok,” Clarke relented for now. Looking back out into the storm, her concern was Lexa was crushing; bearing down on her heart it was almost unbearable. She felt an overwhelming need to find the distressed girl, to comfort her and protect her. She had looked so lost. Knowing it was useless to go out into the rain in search for Lexa without knowing where the girl was heading, Clarke knew she had to take care of the people behind her. “Please be ok,” Clarke whispered into the storm before she turned back to Raven. “C’mon, lets get you out of here,” she said, taking Raven’s hand as the others gathered around and they made their way outside.

Looking up into the rain Clarke sent a silent prayer, willing it to reach Lexa who was out in the storm, probably freezing and afraid. The pain in her heart not easing at all, knowing that she had to find the girl. “Please be okay.”


	5. You know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much of Lexa in this one but I hope you all still enjoy :)  
> Very important conversations will be coming up in the next two chapters!!  
> We will finally get some answers to what happened all those years ago!

Clarke didn’t sleep that night. They went back to the apartment that the girls shared thanks to the help of Clarke’s parents and bunkered down as the heavy rain continued to pour down from the sky.

Not wanting to make their separate ways and go to bed, they wordlessly headed to the lounge room and made themselves comfortable. Raven and Octavia claimed the lounge, lying at either end with their feet curled up together under a warm woolen blanket. Finn took an armchair to the side, throwing his legs over one side and his arm over his eyes. Clarke, knowing that she would not get any rest that night, sat by the large window looking out into the street below. Staring blankly out into the storm, her mind was racing. Would Lexa be ok? What happened between her and Raven? Clarke knew that Raven hadn’t been telling the whole truth but knew that in that moment, the girl had needed comfort not an interrogation.

Thinking back over her conversation with Lexa earlier that evening, Clarke tried to think of a way to find her. She realized she still knew very little about the other girl. She liked to run which was clear as she ran away from the diner, Clarke struggling to keep up. She had a friend who made sure she went out and socialized. “What was it… Angela? Ainsley? Hmm,” she mumbled quietly to herself. And that’s when it hit her,

‘Oh, umm I work at Sea Break marina, one of the dockhands over there,’ Lexa had said.

Clarke knew where Lexa worked. She quickly pulled out her phone and typed in Sea Break Marina into the search bar. Heart racing, scrolling through the results, she found what she was looking for halfway down the first page. Slowly releasing the breath she didn’t know she was holding, Clarke let her body relax somewhat. She’d found her. Now all she needed to do was wait for morning to come. Looking over at the three sleeping bodies spread out over the chairs, she smiled slightly. She was a part of something good here and she hoped more than anything, that Lexa would become a part of this as well. “Tomorrow,” she told herself, looking back out at the rain hammering the window. She felt a small piece of the concern she was feeling settle in her chest.

***

“Are you sure this is a good idea Clarke?” Raven asked as they got off the bus and started to make their way down the street towards the docks. Both Finn and Octavia had work until midday so were unable to go with the girls, but Octavia had given them strict orders to keep them updated.

“Rae, we have to find her. At the very least to make sure she made it home safe last night. Besides, you guys know each other, right?”

“Right,” Raven hesitantly replied, unsure if she really knew the Lexa that was standing in front of her last night. She definitely wasn’t the same Lexa who took charge eight years earlier.

The two girls made their way to the front gate, hoping that they would be able to get inside with no disturbances. Walking around the side of the gate, they saw to their left what appeared to be a shipping container office building.

Clarke made the first move, marching confidently into the office. She was on a mission. As the sensor made their presence known to the staff, Raven leaned over to Clarke and whispered, “Cheekbones 2 o’clock.”

Looking over, Clarke watched ‘cheekbones’ head towards them. She couldn’t have been more than a couple of years older than Clarke herself and walked with an intimidating confidence, looking both girls up and down. A small quirk to her lips and a single eyebrow raised, she waited for the girls to talk.

“Well hello there cheekbo--ooph!” Clarke had nudged Raven in the stomach with her elbow before she could go any further; watching as the tanned girl in front only raised her eyebrow further in response.

“Sorry, umm hello. My name’s Clarke and this is Raven, we’re here looking for Lexa? She mentioned that she worked here,” Clarke enquired with her hand outstretched to offer a polite handshake.

Ignoring the hand held out in front of her, Clarke watched as the other girl’s demeanor changed rapidly before her eyes at the mention of Lexa’s name. If Clarke thought she was intimidating before, it was a whole new ballgame now.

Standing tall, smirk gone and arms crossed in front of her, the girl asked in a stern voice, “what business do you have with Lexa?”

“Uuhh we’re friends of hers.”

“Lexa doesn’t do friends. Now tell me what you really want or get the hell out of my yard.”

Stepping forward with a false bravado, Clarke attempted to appear confident in her search for the brunette. Trying again, she went on. “Well maybe she doesn’t ‘do’ friends here at work but we were out with her last night. Willingly. So yes, we’re friends and we need to see her. If you could just go grab her that’d be great… please,” she added at the last minute, feeling as though she had already pushed her luck with the figure looming over her. Muscles twitched along the sharp jaw line in front of them and hands clenched from where they sat crossed. A mouth opened to give Clarke a piece of her mind but before any words came out, Raven jumped in to halt the attack.

“Look, I know we probably sound crazy, but I was friends with Lexa when were kids. She uhh… she looked after me. We really need to find her.” At that, dark hazel eyes snapped over to Raven, a startled look on her face. Raven stood there as the eyes scanned her up and down as though they were searching for something important, before Clarke started talking again.

“Please? We’re just worried about Lexa. We were with her but when she saw Raven, she wasn’t expecting it and freaked out. She ran out into the storm and we just wanted to make sure that she was ok.”

“Shit,” the girl whispered to herself, still not taking her eyes of Raven while taking in what Clarke was saying.

Looking back up into the brunette’s eyes, she hesitantly asked. “You were there?” Raven looked blankly back at the girl, trying to figure out what she was getting at. “In the diner? Well yea--”

“No, not the diner. At the facility?”

Raven’s quick intake of breath had Clarke looking back and forwards between the two. What were they talking about? And why did Raven look like she had seen a ghost.

“You know?” Raven asked with wide eyes, looking into hazel ones with unease.

The other girl just nodded her head in response as Raven continued.

“How?” she whispered.

The girls jaw twitched again. It looked as though she was having an internal battle, trying to decide how much to tell the girls in front of her. “She came to stay with my parent for a couple of years until she turned 18. She was in a bad way and spoke very little about what happened. I don’t know many details but I know enough,” she told with a flash of sadness making its way into her eyes. Shoulders dropping slightly almost as though burdened by a great deal of weight. Raven understood. Lexa did not have to speak of the horrors for people to understand that she had been through hell. You could see it played out across her body, her actions and probably, Raven assumed, her nightmares.

“What facility? Raven? What is she talking about?” Clarke asked, once again frustrated that she was out of the loop. She wanted more than anything else to find Lexa and help the girl but she needed to know what they were up against. She didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing and have Lexa panic like she did the night before. Raven hesitated as Clarke persisted. “Please Rae?... Please?” she whispered, tears making their way to her lashes as she attempted to blink them away. Shaking her head, Raven was unable to give Clarke the answers she was looking for. “I’m so sorry Clarke, but it’s not my story to tell. It has to be Lexa who tells you.”

“But it’s your story too,” she pleads. “You were there too, right?”

“Yeah, but Lexa made my story a hell of a lot easier to bare. She is the reason I’m here. The reason I’m ok. I’m sorry babe, but it has to be her,” Raven replies sadly while grabbing Clarke’s hand a squeezing. Silently begging for her to understand.

Clarke releases a sigh but nods her head, squeezing back with a small smile in attempt to comfort her friend.

“Wait, rewind! Blondie, you said she ran out into the storm?” Raven asked with a sudden urgency in her voice. “Fuck!” she cursed as the blonde nodded and pulled out her phone. “She didn’t show for work today and I though she was just having one of her off days and put her down for a leave day.”

After a few minutes of attempted phone calls and messages left, the phone was put away and the tension in the room began to build again.

“We need to find her,” hazel eyes looking around the office franticly. The girl suddenly turned on her feet and went back into the room in which she came from while Raven and Clarke just looked at each other. “What do we do?” Clarke asked. The concern making a full return upon hearing that Lexa hadn’t shown for work. “What if she’s still out there somewhere Rae?”

“Hey, she’s tough, she’ll be ok. Even if cheekbones doesn’t want to help us, we’ll go out there and search for her ourselves ok?” Raven replied, attempting to reassure the blonde. Just as Raven finished, they heard approaching footsteps and were once again looking at the girl in question. Hazel eyes now hidden behind sunglasses and keys in hand. “We’re going to drive over to Lexa’s apartment. Hopefully she made it home last night and has just slept through her alarm. If not, you two will trace every step between her apartment and last night’s location, looking for her.” The girls nodded in response, happy with the plan and turned towards the sliding doors.

“So, what’s your name, cheekbones?” Raven asked as Clarke groaned, holding her forehead as though pained by the antics of her friend. Grateful for a break in the stressful moment, Anya gave her name as she swung her bag over her shoulder, looking back at the pair. “Now c’mon, we’ve gotta go find Lexa.”

“Wait! You’re Anya?” Clarke ran to catch up to the other two who were now walking out of the office, towards the exit. Anya nodded, keeping up her brisk pace. “Lexa spoke about you last night! You’re the friend she spoke of. She said you drag her out and force her to socialize.”

Anya smirked as she made her way to her car. “She knows better than to argue with me.”

***

Lexa rolled over; misjudging the side of her bed she rolled all the way off and onto the solid floor below. Heavy body hitting the floor, Lexa became aware of just how heavy her limbs felt. “Fucking sick,” she mumbled to herself, brain still foggy while she tried to orientate herself. Looking down at her bare body, Lexa had obviously stripped her wet clothes off the previous night and crawled straight into bed. Now shivering aggressively, she realized she hadn’t turned the heating on in the process. “Fuck!”

She attempted to pull herself up, hands slipping on the cold floor as she slowly made her way into the bathroom. Quickly stumbling into the shower, she turned on the hot water, hissing as the heat of it stung her sensitive skin.

Lowering back to the floor, Lexa sat her shivering body under the spray of the water. Knowing it was the worst thing she could be doing if she had a fever, but unable to care in that moment. Closing her eyes and looking up into the spray, Lexa rested her head back onto the generic wall tiles and attempted to clear her mind. ‘What the hell happened last night?’ she wondered, not hearing the knock that was now sounding from the front door.

***

“Shit!” Anya quickly gave up on the knocking and was rustling through her bag looking for something. “Ah ha!” she said holding up a key before turning to the two girls behind her. Looking down at them, stern look back on her face suggesting that she meant business.

“Now, the both of you will stay in the lounge room. You will sit down. You will not touch anything and you’ll wait until either myself or Lexa tells you otherwise. Am I clear?” she asked.

Stepping her feet together, Raven saluted while responding with an exaggerated “Sir, yes sir!” Anya’s only response was a roll of her eyes as she looked to Clarke who just nodded her head in response.

Making their way into the apartment, all three girls were hit with the sudden chill on the place. All three of them immediately relieved when they heard the running shower in the distance, a collective sigh making it’s way through the group. “Dumbass forgot to turn the heating on,” Anya mumbled as she flicked the lights and heating on beside the front door. “Ok, sit. Touch nothing.” Any said as she exited the lounge room they were standing in and made her way towards the sound of the shower.

Clarke looked around the apartment. Not only was it cold in temperature, there was absolutely not warmth on the walls. Blank, grey walls. There were no signs of life in this apartment. No artwork, no photos, no trinkets. It was lifeless and if it weren’t for the sound of the running shower, Clarke would have believed that this apartment had been abandoned years ago. Sitting on the old, weary couch, Clarke and Raven waited silently.

***

Knocking on the bathroom door, Anya placed her ear to the door listening for any sound besides the running water. “Lexa?” she called out gently, knocking again, louder this time.

“Lexa, I’m coming in ok?” Still no reply as Anya hesitated for a moment before grasping the doorknob and turning.

She was immediately hit with a wave of steam, turning her face away from the assault while waving her hand in front of her face. Once her eyes adjusted, Anya looked towards the shower and swore under her breath as she saw the curled figure on the shower floor. “Dammit Lex,” she sighs, quickly opening the shower door and turning off the hot water.

Looking down at the naked girl on the floor, Anya let her eyes scan for any new injuries. Once establishing that the only immediate threat was the obvious illness reeking havoc on her body, Anya grabbed a towel and wrapped it around the shivering body.

“C’mon Lex,” she groaned, gently picking up the now semi conscious girl. Incoherent mumbling was all that she heard as she slowly kicked the door to the side, making her way to the bedroom next door and placing Lexa on her disheveled bed. Thankful that she told the other girls to wait out in the longeroom, out of sight, Anya quickly dried the uncooperative body and went to her drawer to get a pair of sweats.

It was surprisingly more difficult to dress Lexa than she had anticipated. Trying to control the flailing arms, Anya grabbed one by the wrist and willed Lexa to sit still.

“C’mon Lex, look at me ok? Open those eyes ha?” she asked, gently tapping the girl’s cheek. Green eyes squinted and there was another immediate groan.

“Anya… wh..what? What’s happening?” Lexa croaked, voice cracking halfway through.

“You ran into a storm last night and then apparently slept without the heating turned on. Thant’s what happened,” Anya gently chastised. “What were you thinking Lex?”

“I had to get away,” Lexa mumbled, eyes still closed.

Anya hesitated, knowing that what she said next would not be received well.

“Away from Raven?” she simply asked.

Lexa’s eyes flew open with a grimace and looked across to Anya as she was hit with a wave of mixed emotions. Anger that Anya was bringing up her past when she knew better, concern that Anya actually knew the names of her past and relief that she actually had someone to look out for her, even if she didn’t necessarily appreciate it.

“How do you know that name?” she snapped, breathing a bit more rapidly than minutes before. Anya gently moving her hand from Lexa’s wrist to lightly grasp the shaking girls hand.

“Raven and Clarke are sitting in you lounge room Lex.”

Lexa pushed herself up with protesting arms, shuffling rapidly back to the head of the bead. “Raven’s dead. She died Anya! Why does no one understand tha-” Lexa was cut off by a sudden coughing fit that violently shook her whole body, tears springing to her eyes from both the physical and emotion strain.

“Ok shh, its ok Lex,” Anya whispered as she helped Lexa down onto her side.

Once her coughing had subsided, Lexa’s breathing was still concerning and Anya didn’t want to make it any worse. There was no chance of getting Lexa to go to the doctors or to the hospital; Anya knew this from experience. The only thing they could do in this moment was to wait it out.

“Get some sleep Lexa,” she said, hand sweeping brunette locks out of the drooping eyes. “We’ll talk more when you’re feeling better.”

As she watched lexa’s eyes close and her breathing even out, Anya made a silent promise to the now sleeping girl. “It’ll be ok. I swear Lex, you’ll be ok.”


	6. A Little Bit Of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little bit longer than the others and I hope I've done it justice!  
> I won't be able to write for a few days now but hopefully the next chapter will be out early next week.  
> All mistakes are mine and I apologise in advance.  
> As always, your feedback is more than welcome x  
> See end notes

There were voiced coming from the other side of her closed bedroom door. It took Lexa a few moments to realize that she wasn’t imagining things and with that realization came a sharp jolt of fear. ‘Who was in her apartment?’ Lexa stayed lying where she was for a few moments and tried to engage her limbs, which had abandoned her a few hours earlier. Head rolling to the side, peering at the alarm clock where the flashing numbers read 4:00, she attempted to gather her bearings. ‘Surely it meant 4pm,’ she asked herself, because who the hell would be in her apartment having what sounded like a civilized conversation at 4am in the morning? Tightening and releasing each muscle, beginning with her toes, Lexa tried to think of a plan of action. She briefly remembered flashes of Anya’s face and couldn’t remember if the images were from her dreams of reality, but was hoping that it was the latter. But if that was Anya outside talking, then who was she talking to? And why did she have other people in Lexa’s apartment?

Lexa’s mind was clearly still foggy. Her mind and body felt heavy, her chest hurt with each breath and her limbs protested with the exercises she was forcing upon them. Feeling like she could perhaps tolerate more than she was currently doing, Lexa pushed herself into sitting position and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Feet flat on the floor; she let them relax into the ground as though they were learning from scratch, what they were supposed to do. Still shaking slightly, she pushed up off the bed and took a few hesitant steps towards the door before she felt fully confident that she wasn’t going to face plant the floor.

Silently pushing the door open while praying it didn’t make a sound, Lexa made her way down the hallway and peered around the corned, into the lounge room. In that moment, her world stopped. They were here… in her apartment. Anya sat, propped on the old coffee table facing the couch where two girls sat. One was Clarke, and her heart felt a little lighter looking over at the blonde girl. She still didn’t understand why Clarke seemed to have this effect on her but she didn’t want that feeling to go away. It had been a long time since she felt any hint of calm in her life; however when her eyes moved to the brunette sitting next to Clarke, any semblance of calm quickly left the apartment. Lexa tried to ground herself, struggling to differentiate reality from fantasy. Everything in her being was telling her that Raven had died, and yet here she was sitting in her apartment. Back in the diner it was easy to believe that the situation was not as it seemed and that the group was lying to her. That Clarke was lying to her. Because feelings of calm aside, Lexa didn’t really know the girl. But now here they were sitting with Anya, one of the only people that Lexa trusted and that truly terrified Lexa. Everything she though she believed to be true was possibly about to unravel before her heavy eyes and she was not prepared for this. Hands clenching and eyes shutting tightly, Lexa held her breath and counted. She could not afford to lose control again and she was already struggling in her weakened state. Turning back around to flee back to the safety of her bedroom, Lexa stumbled through her pivot, catching the attention of the three girls sitting in the lounge room.

“Lexa!”

They all immediately leapt to their feet, watching the brunette struggle to regain her balance and turn around to face them. She kept her eyes closed tightly, trying to convince herself that if she couldn’t see them then they weren’t there.

***

Clarke watched as Lexa stood there in the hallway, body stiff, lightly shaking and eyes clenched shut. She appeared to be mumbling to herself; her body pulled tight like a bow as though all it would take was one touch and she would snap.

Clarke desperately wanted to walk over to the girl and pull her into a hug. To take some of the burden for her because if Lexa’s pain was even twice as bad as what Clarke was feeling watching her, then she couldn’t possible bare that pain alone. But as Raven took a step forward, Clarke willed herself to stand still and it took every ounce of her self-control to do so. This moment needed to be for Lexa and Raven. They needed this and would no doubt need the support of Anya and herself once they were through. Raven slowly made her way to Lexa, whose eyes were still shut tightly, hands raised as though she was approaching a wild animal.

“Lexa?” She whispered.

“You’re not real.”

“I’m here with Anya and Clarke. I’m real Lexa,” Raven continued, praying that this time Lexa would believe her. “Keep you head down and your mouth shut, remember?”

Lexa’s eyes snapped open, instantly recognizing the last words she had spoken to Raven, having replayed that same conversation over in her mind a thousand times.

“That’s what I did Lexa. Kept my head down and my mouth shut… for so long. For _so many_ years. It’s what kept me alive. You kept me alive Lex,” Raven choked out, finally seeing some recognition on the other girls face.

“N…no, I killed you. I… the storm… the building was destroyed…” Lexa’s breathing was far too rapid. She was beginning to panic again and did the only thing she knew how to do these days. She fled. She had to get as far away as possible.

“NO! You will not run away from me this time Lexa!” Raven called after the girl, watching as she moved to the front door and yanked it open. Raven was desperate to finish this conversation. She had to make Lexa believe that she was alive and that none of what happened was Lexa’s fault. So in that moment, she made a decision. Just as Lexa went to step through the door, Raven lifted her hand in a sweeping motion, as a gust of wind flew through the closed apartment and slammed the door shut before Lexa’s very eyes. Dead silence. You could hear a pin drop in the seconds to follow, everyone taking in what had just happened. Sighing, Raven knew what she’d done and tiredly ran her raised hand through her now windswept hair, bracing herself for what was to come.

“What the actual FUCK?” Anya all but yelled, not believing what she’d just witnessed. ‘And there it is,’ raven thought to herself. “Wha…What the fuck just happened? Like, Fuck! What?!!!”

Raven had expected this onslaught of questions. What she didn’t expect was the dead silence coming from Clarke. Slowly turning around and looking at the girls, Raven almost laughed. The looks on their faces were almost comical had the situation not been so serious.

“Ahh…. Surprise?” Raven said with a sheepish smile, trying to diffuse the tension. Clarke slowly stepped forward towards Raven and whispered two words, making Raven almost visibly gulp. “Raven. Explain.” The seriousness in her expression and tone leaving no room for jokes.

“Well… you see, there are a bunch of people, I don’t really know how many of us to be exact. But you see, we have powers. Ummm abilities, yeah abilities. We can control the elements. You know… like the whole earth, fire, wind, water business,” Raven rapidly tried to explain without taking a breath. “Although Lexa here can create some pretty mad electrical storms at will if my assumptions are correct.”

Anya did not appear to be coping with the new information. Whispering ‘what the fuck’ on repeat under her breath, she stood rigid just shaking her head from side to side on repeat.

Clarke was not faring much better. Mouth slightly agape, she just kept opening and closing it, trying to formulate words but nothing was coming out.

Lexa was breathing hard, body once again shaking with fever, or was it shock this time? Shock that not only had Raven’s actions just confirmed that it really was her standing there, alive. But also that the girl had somehow learnt to control her powers. Back leaning against the now closed door, Lexa could do nothing but glare at the girl standing before her. How did Raven do that at will? And how ridiculously stupid was she to do that in front of Anya and Clarke?

Looking at the confused and shocked faces in front of her, Raven ignored Lexa in that moment and continued as though what she was going on to say would help them to believe what they were hearing. “In the beginning when I started trying to use and control my abilities, I thought I moved things with my hands; it wasn’t until later that I realized I was actually manipulating air. Controlling the wind. Once I escaped that awful place, I practiced every chance I could get. I learnt total control over the years and I knew that I couldn’t tell a single living soul about it if I wanted to stay hidden.”

To say Anya and Clarke were shocked would have been the understatement of the century. How was one supposed to wrap their minds around the fact that there were beings on this planet with extraordinary gifts? Beings with the ability to control and manipulate the elements. Control the environment around them. It was outside the realm of possibilities, and if Clarke had not just seen it with her own eyes, she would have thought that both Raven and Lexa required some serious, psychiatric help.

“The people who captured us somehow knew about our gifts and where to find us. One minute we were happy with our families and the next they were killed in some kind of ‘accident’ and we were taken away to the facility. We quickly figured out that everyone arrived with the same story so we knew they were definitely behind the accidents. They wanted to tap into our abilities, I suppose. Use them somehow.”

“We were weapons,” Lexa finally offered, face contorted with a range of emotions. There was no use in denying anything now that Raven had not only blurted out their decade long secret but had also shown them. “They were going to use us as weapons. All they needed to do was break us in,” her words dying as quickly as they had started.

Silence fell on the group as they all pondered what Lexa had said. It was a terrifying realization that this group was still out there right now, probably with a new group of children to torture. Would they be successful with this next group?

“Do you know where you were kept? Any of their names?” Clarke asked, trying to learn more about the group. “No,” Raven replied. “We know nothing about them. There was this crazy chick who ran the joint but they gave up nothing, no information that would be helpful. I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Lexa just shook her head, agreeing with Raven. Looking at the other girl, she had finally worked up enough courage to ask the question that had been taunting her for the entirety of the conversation.

“Tell me what happened? How are you alive?” Lexa pleaded once the girls seemed to pause for breath, taking in what they’d just learnt. Raven paused, appearing nervous all of a sudden. Then taking a big breath in, she began her story. “There’s a lot that’s kinda blurry but I’ll try my best. So we were all just waiting in the room after they had taken you. Waiting for you to come back after a couple of hours like you normally did, but you didn’t show…”

***

Raven was nervous. Lexa had been gone longer than usual and she was really beginning to worry at this point, nervously chewing the skin surrounding each fingernail. If Lexa was gone, then that left her and four other children to choose from. Looking around the room, Raven observed the other kids. They were younger and still had moments where their carefree nature shone through in this hellhole. It was amazing to witness their resilience but they all had Lexa to thank for that. They hadn’t had to experience the worst of what went on in this facility. Even Raven, while thirteen years old and a few years older than the other kids, was saved from most of the trauma thanks to Lexa. She wore a few scars across her body but nothing compared to the older girl. Raven shivered, feeling sick at the thought of their protector dying at the hands of the monsters hiding behind their weapons. She didn’t deserve this. None of them did and yet there was nothing they could do to stop it and no one out there looking for them. They were orphans at the mercy of a psychotic leader with a band of sadistic followers. What chance did six children have in the face of that kind of evil?

Hearing a sudden bang from above and feeling the walls shake in the seconds to follow, Raven jumped to her feet. Just as she was stepping towards the others, there was another bang and the light flickered until they stayed off altogether. Hearing the screams of the children, Raven made her way towards the sounds, arms reaching out attempting to round them up.

“Come here and stay with me. It’s ok guys. Just hold on to each other and don’t let go, ok?” As they got in line, holding tightly on to the shirt or arm in front of then, Raven moved the line towards the wall and felt her way to the door. If the lights were off, then maybe the main power was down as well. Finally feeling a dip in the wall followed by a large metal handle, Raven felt for the small screen in the top left corner. This panel controlled the settings of the room as well as the door locks and could only be initiated scanning an approved fingerprint. However, if the power was down, then possible the locking system was also down. Trying the handle, Raven’s quick burst of hope was quickly diminished. The door didn’t budge. “Dammit!” she yelled, hitting the door with the palm of her hand. She looked up at the panel and started to break any part of the screen within reach. “C’mon! Open!” Raven continued to take her frustration out on the panel, the whimpering children behind her only spurring on her actions further. After trying the handle unsuccessfully again, Raven placed both hands on the door hanging her head in defeat. Tears springing to her eyes, she tried to calm her mind. There had to be a way out of here… she just had to find it. Just as these thoughts were racing through her mind, she heard banging and a raised voice on the other side of the door. Jumping back startled, Raven could hear the door being forced open from the other side. Heart rate accelerating, knowing that nothing good ever came through that door, Raven braced herself in the dark with arms outstretched, protecting the others. As the door slammed open, light shone into the room and the children’s whimpers grew to screams. They watched a large, stocky guard approach them with a baton outstretched, ready to strike as he taunted them. “Alright you little assholes, round up! No funny business like your friend out there or you’ll regret it!” he sneered as he hit the end of the baton with his open palm. Raven’s heart was racing. ‘Lexa was doing this?’ she asked herself. Peering at the now open door behind the guard she realized that this was her chance. This was the one, split second moment that she could change their young lives. Looking back at the guard she leveled eyes with the man and told him “No!”

“Why you little,” the guard threatened, taking a step towards Raven and reaching out to strike her.

“NO!” the young Raven roared, hands flying in front of her face and eyes closing tightly waiting for the blow. There was a loud crash and a deep groan but the blow never came. Raven opened her eyes to see the guard no longer standing in front of her about to strike. He was now a crumpled mess outside the room, a large indent in the wall above him suggesting that his body had slammed in to it only moments earlier.

Raven looked down at her hands in wonder. Did she do this? Or was it one of the others? All she knew was that she had felt as sudden rush of energy through every cell in her body. If she did this, it would only be the second time in her life that she had performed something extraordinary but in this moment, none of that mattered. Knowing that they couldn’t linger in this room, Raven turned to the scared faces of the other children. “It’s ok… follow me. We have to get out of here now! C’mon, just like before. Hold onto the person in front of you.”

The five of them hesitantly made their way out into the hall, stepping around the still groaning body at their feet. Looking around for any clues as to what was going on or where to go, Raven heard screams and creaking in the distance. It almost sounded like the entire building was struggling to remain upright. The metal walls were actually creaking and shaking underneath an unseen force and looking down the corridor to the right, away from the noise, Raven decided to take that path. There were still a few flickering lights this way and she needed to keep the younger ones safe. Shuffling down the hall one by one, Raven was able to glimpse the outside sky through a small rectangular window at the end of the hall. She swore quietly to herself as she caught sight of lightening strikes to go hand in hand with the thunder, rain and wind coming down upon the facility. ‘If this was Lexa’s doing, she was putting up one hell of a fight,’ Raven thought to herself. Trying to formulate a plan, Raven knew that she couldn’t lead them outside. It wasn’t safe out in the open so the only option was to find somewhere to hide and wait out the storm. Moving slowly from room to room, Raven placed her ear on the doors first to try and hear if there were any voices coming from behind them. If there weren’t any, she would slowly try the handle to see if they would open. Out of about ten doors they came across, six of them were locked. It was towards the end of the hall that the children finally had some luck. Hearing no sounds behind the door, Raven pulled on the handle and to door clicked open. She poked her head through the small gap she’d made and gasped in relief. She actually couldn’t believe their luck. Behind this door appeared to be a training room. The entire room from floor to ceiling was padded and there were body shields and combat equipment lined up along one side of the room. Someone was definitely looking out for them that night. Hurrying the children behind her into the room, Raven closed the door behind them, throwing them once again into darkness. “This way,” she told the others, feeling her way to the right and following the wall around until she almost tripped over all the equipment on the floor. Crouching down and feeling around for the shields, Raven passed one to each child to hang on to. Clearly meant for large adults in combat training, the children were swallowed by the sheer size of each shield. Making their way silently to the corner of the room, Raven huddled them all into a tight group with the shields and padded surrounding providing what little protection they could. This was the best that they could do in these circumstances and Raven prayed that it would be enough for them to wait out the storm. Closing her eyes, listening to the storm raging outside, Raven tried not to think of how scared Lexa would be right now. How much pain the other girl would be in and how helpless she felt in that very moment, unable to go and help her without putting the other children at risk. Tears burnt her eyes at the images of the tortured girl filling her mind. She hoped more than anything else that they would meet again.

***

Tears were streaming down Raven’s face as she recounted the tale of her survival. Watching her with sad eyes, it took a while for Lexa to realize that tears were also making their way silently down her own cheeks. “You saved them,” she choked out as she watched Raven look up at her, shaking her head. “Lexa… _You_ saved us all.”

Still unable to accept that she played an important role in their survival, Lexa went on without acknowledging what Raven had said. Having made their way onto the ground while Raven was talking, Lexa leaned forward, resting on the coffee table almost as though she was bracing herself for her next question.

“The other children? Do you know what happened to them?”

Nodding her head, Raven continued her story.

“When the storm settled we were pretty much unscathed. A few scratches here and there from fallen debris, but the training room provided the protection that we needed. We crept out of the room and quickly went outside. It was crazy. Half the building had collapsed. There was fire and smoke everywhere you looked and some of the people were beginning to rise from the rubble. I tried to search for you as quickly as I could. I saw the room that I thought you were in. It was totally destroyed but that damned table was still standing in the center of the room. I assumed you had either been taken or thrown from the table so I started to look around the ground to see if I could find you. We just didn’t have enough time.” Raven said, looking down, tears returning to her eyes. “Vehicles started to arrive. We thought at first that they were the police and that we would be ok. But there were no sirens and these people in their fancy suits got out and quickly started yelling orders at the guards who were still alive. I quickly realized that they were a part of the facility; probably there to clean up their mess before the authorities arrived. I grabbed the children and ran but there was one that I couldn’t get to in time. One of the guards had spotted her searching off to one side of the collapsed building and grabbed her. I only realized when I heard her screaming,” she finished, tears now streaming freely down her face again.

“Raven, it wasn’t your fault,” Clarke moved to sit beside Raven to offer what little comfort she could. “You were a child yourself. You were all just kids.” Raven pressed her forehead to Clarke’s shoulder for a few moments, wiped her eyes and continued. “We just ran. It seriously felt like days. I think by the end we were pretty delirious but we were eventually found by a passing car at the edge of the forest and taken to a nearby hospital. It was terrifying because I was sure that the minute our names or faces got out there, that they would find us straight away and take us back. I assumed that’s what was going to happen but a lady rocked up and took us away before it could. I was sure she was one of the bad guys but she told us that she knew where we came from and knew what we could do. She said it wasn’t safe for us to stay there in the hospital and that she was taking us to a contact she had in child services. We were put into foster care, sent all over the country and separated early on. Apparently it was too dangerous for us to all stay together. Once I got out, I looked everywhere for the lady that took us from the hospital or her contact person but I couldn’t find either. I have no idea how to find the other children. Iv’e been trying for years.”

“Do you remember their names?” Lexa asked, voice shaking with emotion.

“Yeah,” Raven said. “Jasper, Madi and Ad--”

“Aden” Lexa whispered, finishing what Raven was saying. “They were so small,” she choked. “Yeah,” was all Raven could say in response. “I know.”

***

Sitting on the floor looking at each other, the girls appeared to be all talked out for now. There were still so many questions that needed answering but both were relieved just to know that the other had survived. Looking up as Anya approached and sat by her side, she gave her a small smile. Appreciating the extra support even if words weren’t spoken. Clarke had offered the same support to Raven and was now sitting across from Lexa, looking at her with an open, hopeful expression. Like she was at peace with everything she’d just heard. Reaching out to touch the back of the hand that Clarke was leaning on, she turned her palm up once she had the blondes’ attention. Smile growing on Clarkes face; she placed her hand over Lexa’s, linking their fingers and let out a small sigh of content. Lexa had initiated contact; scars out in the open to see and feel and Clarke couldn’t stop her heart from racing at the thought that this was the first step. One of many firsts for the pair. Lexa gave a small grin in return, missing the amused looks shared between Anya and Raven.

“So you have powers?” Anya asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Yup!” raven spoke up, puffing out her chest before Anya snuck in another question. “So what? You’re like super heroes?”

“Hell yeah we are!” Clarke rolled her eyes. Raven was getting far too much enjoyment out of this conversation and Anya was definitely bringing out the boisterous side of her friend. Eyes moving over to Lexa, Clarke watched as her body began to tense again with all the talk surrounding their abilities. Leaning over, she whispered low enough for the others not to hear over their animated conversation. “Lexa, hey it’s ok. We don’t have to talk about this ok? Not until you’re ready,” she tried offering a smile to show her sincerity. Looking up as the other two continued to spur each other on, she looked back at Clarke with such heartbreaking vulnerability and whispered, “But what if I’m never ready?”

“Then you’re never ready. We’ll still be here. We’re not going anywhere if you don’t want us to, ok?”

“Ok,” Lexa replied, looking down at their clasped hands still resting on the floor between them. In that moment, Lexa felt a small amount of the chaos in her mind settle, which was a first for her in a very long time. She just hoped that it would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just to explain, Anya only knew about the facility where Lexa was held and the injuries that she suffered there. She didn't know about the powers or why Lexa had been taken. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter 😊


	7. I Was There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's another one! I really hope you are still enjoying this story.  
> Any feedback very much appreciated.  
> See end notes and enjoy :)

A lot had happened. Lexa sat there, listening to the conversation that carried on around her and was unsure how to process the events of the last couple of days. Having realized that Lexa was exhausted from their reunion, the others opted to move the conversation on to lighter things, giving Lexa the space she needed to regroup. She was unfamiliar with the feeling currently making itself at home in her chest. ‘Is this what it feels like to be a part of something,’ she wondered to herself, perplexed and slightly uneasy. It was a totally foreign concept to her and the brunette didn’t want to admit that she had no idea what to do.

“Lexa?”

Looking up, Lexa saw a hopeful Clarke looking back at her. She’d clearly zoned out and missed the question that had been directed towards her. “Uhh, Sorry. What was that again?” she asked.

“We were just wondering if you’d join us for dinner? No pressure or anything but it’d be a great way to wind down after the day we’ve had,” Clarke repeated, the hopeful look never leaving her face.

“Oh umm, I’m really sorry but I’m really not feeling too great. I don’t think the rain last night did me any favors,” lexa replied, looking down muttering a soft “stupid” to herself. She knew better that to run out into the rain, especially during the unforgiving winters here.

“Hey, that’s okay… really,” Clarke reassured, the flicker of disappointment on her face only lasting a millisecond. “Rae and I will get out of your hair; let you rest,” she said gently.

“Yeah, O is losing her mind! There’s some pretty serious FOMO going on here,” Raven spoke up while looking down at her phone. “Anyone would think we’d dropped off the face of the earth,” she added, smirking.

Finally getting up from their positions on the lounge room floor, they all stretched out their stiff joints and groaned.

“It seriously feels like we ran a marathon,” Clarke protested, much louder than the other three. “How does just sitting hurt so much?”

Shaking her head at the complaining blonde, Anya made her way to the door with Clarke, giving Raven a moment alone with Lexa.

“So,” Raven said simply, hands in pockets, rocking back onto her heels.

“So,” Lexa replied with a small smirk.

“Thanks for not running away this time.”

“It’s not like you gave me a choice Raven,” Lexa said to the smiling girl. Face turning serious all of a sudden, Raven continued. “We’ll talk again yeah? When you’re ready?”

“Yeah, we will” Lexa confirmed, eyes wandering over to the blonde standing by the door. Feeling a small jolt of something when blue met green, Lexa nervously glanced around the room, quickly breaking eye contact. As though sensing the girl’s discomfort, Raven didn’t push any further and turned to join the others. “Don’t be a stranger Lex.”

Looking at the group, knowing that the polite thing to do was see her guests to the door, Lexa shuffled closer, offering a small “promise” in the process.

Clarke smiled up at the brunette, offering her hand which after a few moments, Lexa grabbed. Smile widening at her victory; Clarke thanked Lexa, confusing the other girl. Clarke almost laughed as the brunette’s head tilted to the side like a confused puppy. It was adorable, she thought.

“For trusting us,” Clarke simply explained, squeezing the hand still molded to hers before reluctantly letting go. She watched as Lexa glanced down at her hand for a split second then offered her a small smile in return. “You’re welcome Clarke.” Clarke’s heart swelled with emotion for the girl in front of her. Lexa truly had no idea how extraordinary she was. A throat clearing behind her was Clarke’s cue to go, giving Raven and Anya a glare on her way past them. The two just smirked at each other as Raven turned to follow the blonde.

“See ya’s,” Anya waved before closing the door and turning back to Lexa.

“Well, that just happened.”

“Yeah,” the tension was beginning to leave Lexa’s body and she was beginning to realize just how exhausted she really was.

“C’mon,” Anya linked their elbows, leading them into the kitchen; pushing Lexa gently down onto the available bar stool. “Let me make you some dinner, then you can get some rest. You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” Lexa huffed, too tired to protest. Dinner and sleep sounded like heaven. Clarke wasn’t lying when she said that it felt like they had run a marathon. Her aching body thanking her as she lowered her head down onto her forearms resting on the bench. She felt like she’d just run 20 marathons.

***

Raven and Clarke stepped onto the elevator, having made it back to their apartment building in no time at all. “So, that just happened,” Clarke said, mind still reeling from the events of the last 48 hours.

“I can’t believe it’s really her. She’s really here,” Raven whispered. Clarke wrapped an arm around her friend’s waist, providing any comfort that she could. “What are we going to tell the others?” Clarke asked from Raven’s shoulder.

“We have to tell O the truth, there’s no way we’d be able to keep everything from her. Not to mention she’d kill us if she ever found out that we kept it from her.” Clarke nodded her head in agreement. “Maybe hold off on telling the boys? If Lexa does keep in touch, I think the less of us who know, the better.”

Stepping out of the elevator, they made there way to their apartment, front door slamming open before they had a chance to put the key in the hole.

“Well it’s about damn time!” Octavia grabbed both their wrists and dragged them inside. “Where the hell have you been and why didn’t you reply? I was seriously thinking of getting a search party together. Can you imagine the state of the boys if I’d told them? Bell would have blown a gasket by now!” She paused, taking a breath and them sat down on the couch waiting for an answer. “Now… tell me everything,” she asked excitedly. “Did you find her?”

“Yep.”

“Yep? That’s all I get? Yep?! Why are you both grinning like that? Guuuuyyyssss! Tell me what’s going on right now!”

There was a moment where all three of the girls were staring at each other, waiting to see who would break first. The stand off only lasted a few moments before…

“Raven and Lexa have super powers!!”

“Clarke!!!”

“What?!?”

Raven walked over to the couch beside Octavia, shaking her head at Clarke in passing. “You seriously have no self control princess.”

“Raven, what the hell is Clarke talking about? Has she lost the plot? Do we need to get you checked out Clarke?”

“O, Clarke is telling the truth. Lexa and I… well there’s a whole group of us really. We can control the elements. Move them at our will. It’s insane; trust me, I know! But it’s true.”

“Jesus,” Octavia whispered to herself, standing up and pacing between the pair. “You’ve both gone mad. You’ve absolutely lost it! You guys need some serious help!”

Raven knew the only way that Octavia would believe her was to show her. Then there would be no way that she could deny the truth. ‘Unless she thinks she’s losing her mind as well and tries to get herself committed?’ Raven thinks to herself, hoping that the likelihood of that happening remained miniscule.

Looking over at the dining room table, Raven spots a glass of water sitting on the edge and with it, her opportunity.

“O, Raven’s telling the truth. I swear we’re just as sane as you ar-” Just as Clarke was finishing, she was shocked into silence as a splash of water smacked her right in her face. There was a small shriek from Octavia, her face looing back a forwards between the other two like she was at a tennis match; a look of total bewilderment on her face. A spluttering Clarke turns to the smirking brunette on the couch and begins her advance towards the girl. “What the fuck Raven?!? What the hell did you do that for?”

“Paybacks are a bitch sometimes Clarkeyyy. Maybe next time we have a conversation about my abilities you’ll let me take the lead,” the grin never left Ravens face, clearly very impressed with herself. Clarke slumped down beside her on the couch, annoyed face now dripping with water as she pulled off her soaked sweater. Octavia was standing there, having watched the whole conversation, the look of bewilderment still planted firmly on her face. “No. Fucking. Way,” she looked from Raven, to Clarke’s wet face and back to Raven. “Seriously guys! You’re not joking are you?” she asked, mind trying to catch up with what she’d just seen. Raven and Clarke shook their heads and watched as their friend tried to comprehend the possibility that they were telling the truth. That there are people in this world with that type of power; with that type of control. Slowly walking over to the couch, Octavia stood in front of Raven, staring for a long moment before jumping.

“What the hell Raven!! Why didn’t you tell us! This is so fucking awesome!!!!” Octavia had jumped across Raven and Clarkes lap, purposefully hitting Raven in the back of the head as she did so. “I can’t believe you kept that from us,” Octavia said, pouting as Raven laughed. “So unfair!”

***

Clarke quickly stripped down before throwing on a new pair of track pants and a sweater. Crawling into her soft bed, she sighed, getting comfortable underneath the heavy quilt. Thinking back over the conversations that they’d had in the last 24 hours, Clarke was surprised that she was as calm as she was. Thoughts moving to Lexa, Clarke’s mind began to sketch the girl. Over the last couple of days, Lexa had looked so closed off, so frail, so scared. It was what initially drew Clarke to her. Her need to help people, shining through their initial, abrupt interaction. After hearing some of their story and seeing glimpses of what both Lexa and Raven had gone through; Clarke could only see strength when she looked at the girls. How strong and loyal Lexa had been in order to protect the other children, just a child herself. Remembering Lexa’s scarred hands, she shuddered at the thought of the pain that the girl had gone through. What kind of sick, human being could do that to a child? How was the girl still functioning?

Closing her eyes, Clarke tried to imagine what Lexa must be feeling in that very moment. Overwhelmed? Scared? There were still so many questions that Lexa clearly wasn’t comfortable answering and Clarke was more than willing to wait. She decided to be there for the girl in any way she needed and if that meant waiting a lifetime for Lexa to feel comfortable, then that’s what she’d do. Rolling over, Clarke quickly drifted off to sleep, the sketches of Lexa dancing through her mind.

***

Lexa woke slowly, light shining through her blinds and she couldn’t remember the last time she woke without nightmares plaguing her mind. Clearly company, food and sleep had done her a world of good. Stretching in her bed, she did her morning routine, stretching out each muscle. Her body felt better, no longer shaking and heavy with fever. Her mind felt clearer than it had in days. Making her way out into the kitchen, Lexa silently praised Anya for the cleaning up and heating the apartment before she left. She had been so angry at the other girl for intruding her space with practical strangers. In what world would that have been a good idea. But as it turned out, her mind had actually settled and begun to rewrite the reality that it was so sure of only hours prior. Raven and the others were actually alive… she had not killed them. With that realization, a weightless feeling had come upon her, as though the weight of the universe had been lifted from her shoulders. “They’re alive,” she reminded herself, allowing herself to smile at the thought. Moving to the fridge to grab the milk for her coffee, Lexa froze, noticing a note sprawled on the fridge door with a phone number at the bottom.

Lex,

Thought you might appreciate this, now that you’ve decided to join the world of the living. A gift from Blondie ;)

Anya

Clarke’s phone number was there on her fridge. “Shit,” Lexa mumbled slowly taking the note from the fridge door and placing it on the kitchen bench. Standing there holding her breath, frozen as if the note were going to explode at any moment, she waited. Waited for something to happen. For anything at all. And nothing. Releasing her breath, Lexa decided to leave the note where it was and continue with her morning ritual of caffeine to start a non-eventful day. Anya had given her the day off, saying that she needed to rest for at least another day and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Don’t make me call security on your ass Lexa. You know I will. If you step one single foot into the yard…” she’d threatened. Sitting at her little table, Lexa began replaying the events for the previous day. Her mind quickly made it’s way to the smiling blonde who had been there, offering the support that she didn’t know she needed when things became too much. It was as if Clarke could read her mind, read the panic on her face and knew exactly what to say to fight the demons creeping through Lexa’s mind, body and soul. It was hard not to freak out at the thought of someone being so intuitive with her emotions and needs. She was not used to this and genuinely had no idea how to respond. Lexa has never let someone all the way in and was almost certain that Clarke had the ability to break through the walls she’d painstakingly built. A lifetime of self-preservation had the ability to come crashing down at her feet all because of one, blonde, blue eyed girl. And the thought terrified her.

***

Two days. It had been two days and Lexa still hadn’t worked up the courage to message the blonde. Returning to work the previous day, Anya had lightly teased her until she threw in her own remarks regarding her and Raven hitting it off.

After Anya had scolded her, promptly making her way back into the office, Lexa had a couple of hours of peace and quite; cleaning and docking the vessels arriving that day. The mind numbing work helped to keep her mind off the number that was burning a hole in her back pocket. Stopping at midday for some lunch, Lexa got her cooler out of her locker, avoiding the tea room, she made her way to one of the free docking stations outside. Unable to resist the urge to pick up her phone, she finally grabbed it out of her pocket and held it in her lap. Looking at the blank screen, she stared at it, willing herself to make a move. This was ridiculous. She was a grown adult and could make a simple phone call. And yet, she couldn’t lift her other hand to make the first move. For what felt like hours, Lexa continued to stare at the phone, the internal battle raging full force until there was a sudden, shrill ring sounding from her hands. She’d shrieked… actually shrieked and dropped the phone, watching it land only inches away from the waters edge. Jumping out of her daze and looking around, hoping that no one had seen her startle, Lexa reached down, grabbed the phone and glared at the screen. It was Anya. Of course it was. It was always Anya.

“What?” Lexa barked into the phone, cheeks flushed with embarrassment at her reaction even though there had been no audience. “Woah, what crawled up your ass and died?”

“Nothin,” she replied gruffly, still somewhat out of sorts. “What’s up?”

“Weeellllll, since you can’t seem to work up the courage to call your Blondie, I called her for you,” Anya’s smugness shining through her spoken words.

“You what?!”

“I called her and organized another little gathering for us. You know… to catch up… with our new friends.”

“Anya, what were you thinking? I don’t know if this is a good idea… I haven--”

“You said you wouldn’t be a stranger, remember? You promised. That implies that you keep in touch and continue to hang out.”

“I know what it means! I just don’t know if I’m ready Anya… This is a lot, alright?”

Lexa heard a sigh through the phone and new that Anya was trying her best to understand. “I know Lex, it’s just that you’ve seemed so much better after our last chat. More relaxed. It’s like you’re more at peace. I want more of that for you?”

“An--”

“Please Lexa. It will just be us alright? I’ll drive us and we can leave at the first sign that things become too much, okay?”

Lexa thought it over. As much as she tried to deny it, she hadn’t been able to keep her mind off Clarke. She had wanted to see her again, the moment she left the apartment. And it would be good to talk more with Raven. She wanted to reconnect with the girl who had been there in the facility with her. The only one who could really understand what she’d gone through every day. So why was she so hesitant? Lexa knew the answer to that, even before her mind conjured up the question. She was terrified of losing control again, especially around Clarke. It wasn’t safe and Lexa saw it as a sign of weakness. After all this time, she still had not figured out how to control her gift, if you could even call it that. Lexa had definitely felt that it was more of a curse all these years. A curse that had literally destroyed everything good in her life. Before she let her mind totally give in to her fear, Lexa choked out a quiet “okay,” before Anya began filling her in on the details. What have I done, she asked herself.

***

Looking over to her passenger, Anya noticed nervous hands ringing in the girls lap. “You’ll be fine. It’s just dinner right? Remember, we can leave at any time. This doesn’t have to be a disaster Lexa… it’s just friends having dinner.”

“Yeah,” Lexa sighed, clenching her hands and releasing. Tensing again as Anya parked the car outside an apartment building. “We’re here. You ready?” Anya asked her.

“I guess,” Lexa had to physically force her legs to move and get out of the car. She could do this. It was only dinner with friends, just like Anya said. How hard could that be? ‘I suppose we’ll find out’ she thought to herself as they made their way inside.

***

There was a knock at the door. “I’ll get it!” Clarke called out to the others, racing out of her room before the others could reach the door. Opening it she was greeted with two, very uncomfortable looking people. Anya appeared disappointed that it had been Clarke who’d answered the door and Lexa looked absolutely petrified.

“Hey guys! Come in, have a seat. Dinner will be ready soon so we can just chill out and umm… relax,” Clarke went on, realizing that she was rambling. She always rambled when she was nervous. “Thanks Blondie,” Anya said as she walked around the girl, taking in the apartment. “Nice place.”

Clarke, ignoring Anya’s small talk, looked over the brunette in front of her. “Hey,” she smiled. “You gonna come in?”

Lexa nervously nodded, taking the first step into the apartment and looked around. The place had a warm, homely feel and was nothing like Lexa’s place. There were pictures of the girls and their friends all around the living room and Lexa thought she caught a glimpse of paintings decoration the hallway. “You okay?” Clarke asked her, breaking the silence that had fallen upon them.

“Yeah, a bit nervous,” Lexa quietly admitted as Clarke looked on with such compassion it made her cheeks heat up. Looking down, hoping that the blush wasn’t showing through her tanned skin, she shook her head. ‘Keep it together’ she reminded herself.

“C’mon, lets get a drink. You’ll be fine.” Clarke offered her hand and pulled Lexa towards the kitchen. “I’m glad you came,” she said with a warm smile.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. It was like there was a giant elephant in the room and no one knew how to start a normal conversation. Lexa, still weary of Octavia having only spent a few short moments with her in the diner, remained quiet, moving her food around the plate with her fork. She knew this was a bad idea and was silently berating herself for caving in to Anya’s ploy to get her to socialize.

“So… you’re a super hero too?”

“Octavia!!!”

“O!”

“Oh my god,” Anya laughed.

Lexa’s head shot up so quickly at that, fork scraping unpleasantly on the plate, she was unsure how to respond to the statement that had just been thrown out there. “Seriously O! You’re the worst! Lexa, I’m sorry for our friend here. You don’t have to respond to her at all, okay?” Clarke reassured the girl as Lexa just nodded in response. She was uncomfortable with these conversations and she really didn’t think that they’d ever become any easier. “It’s okay,” she quietly said, looking back to her plate of untouched food.

“It’s not okay Lexa. Seriously, O! Don’t make me throw some water in your face too,” Raven warned. At the quizzical looks from the other girls, Raven just smiled and shook her head while Clarke scoffed.

Reaching under the table for Lexa’s hand beside hers, Clarke went on. “We don’t have to talk about this tonight Lexa. That’s not why we invited you to dinner. You don’t owe us anything, okay?”

Shaking her head, Lexa spoke in a single moment of bravery and instantly regretted the words that came out of her mouth. “I know, but it’s only normal that you’d have questions. I uhhh… there are parts that I won’t talk about. But if you have any questions, ask away and I’ll do my best.” Heart racing, Lexa was trying the control the rate of her breathing. The only thing that was keeping her grounded right now was the blonde’s firm grip on her shaking hand.

Raven was the first to speak up. “Umm Lex,” Lexa nodded, preparing herself. “How did you get away? I couldn’t find you. Where’d you go?”

Lexa knew this question was coming. The thoughts of Lexa dying had obviously tormented the other girl. Clarke was wrong. She did owe Raven this. The other girl deserved to know.

“There was this man. He was in overalls like some of the guards but he had kind eyes. I woke up to him leaning over me, shaking me awake. I had been thrown from the table I think and none of the others had seen me yet…”

***

“Hey, come on. We need to get you out of here,” Lexa opened her eyes, body screaming at her, to see a man hunched over her broken body. Unable to make sense of what was going on around her, Lexa tried to look around. Seeing smoke, rubble and bodies spread out all around her, she quickly slammed her eyes shut. Blocking out the world. The world continued to spin behind her closed eyelids and she was pulled from the brink of unconsciousness with a sharp burst of pain through her entire body. Someone was lifting her up off the ground. “N..no,” she tried to protest before crying out following a particularly rough jolt.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t stay here. They’ll find you. It’s won’t be long now before the others arrive. I just need to get us to my car and we can get out of here,” the voice explained. Lexa heard the words spoken, but was unable to respond as the world of darkness claimed her. Body caving into unconsciousness, the man with the kind eyes was able to get her back to his car before anyone thought to look for the missing girl. Buckling the girl into the back seat, the man made his way to the front and started the engine, knowing that he’d made the right decision and praying that it wouldn’t cost him his life.

***

“Who was he?” Raven asked as the others leaned closer, all captivated by the story that Lexa was telling them. “I don’t know, he never told me his name. All I know is that he took me to his house and got me the care that I needed. He looked scared most of the time and said that I needed to stay hidden for my own safety. Said that they were looking for me. I spent month’s in the man’s basement and in that time I saw only two other people… doctors I think. Once I had made a full recovery, the man told me that he was sending me to a safe place. A safe place far away from there, where it would be more difficult to find me. The next thing I know, I’m in the back of a car, making my way here to Seattle where Indra and Gustus took me in,” Lexa explained looking over at Anya and sharing a small smile. “Best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Wow,” Raven said after a moment of silence. Clarke nodded along totally entranced by the story. This girl had been through so much. The conversation moved on from there, finally flowing with some ease. No more questions about the facility or their past and Lexa found herself relaxing into the conversation. That was until Octavia decided to speak up again, excitement making it’s way into her voice. “What I don’t get is, if you have these super powers, why didn’t you just fight back? You could be your only little army right? Take down the bad guys!”

Quickly pushing back form the table, Lexa stood from her chair. “Excuse me… bathroom,” was her only explanation as she fled the table. As Raven kicked Octavia under the table for her childish stupidity, Clarke went to get up from the table and follow the brunette. Anya quickly reached over to stop her before she could take a step towards the hallway that Lexa had disappeared down. “Give her a moment Clarke,” Anya said quietly. Nodding and sitting back down, Clarke was unable to keep the worry from creeping its way onto her face.

Only lasting a total of two minutes, Clarke shot out of her seat again to go and find Lexa, not listening to any protests this time. Anya looking on in bemusement and went back to her food, one ear listening for any hint that Lexa might need her help.

Making her way into the hallway, Clarke stopped dead in her tracks, almost bumping into Lexa who was standing there, looking at the pictures on the wall. Clarke took in the girl’s body Language. Body, rigid like a statue with her hands clenched at each side, Lexa didn’t even appear to be breathing. The look on her face was almost like a look of recognition and did not appear to be a pleasant one. Something was clearly troubling the girl and following the direction of Lexa’s eyes, Clarke was confused. Lexa was looking at a bunch of photos that were hanging below one of her canvas paintings. The one in particular that seemed to have captured the girl’s attention was a family photo. One of Clarke and her parents. “Lexa?” Clarke worried, reaching out to touch Lexa’s arm. Lexa’s whole body flinched at the contact, only just realizing that Clarke was in her presence. Pulling her hand back as though it had been burnt, Clarke asked again without any physical touch this time. “What’s wrong Lexa?” Clarke asked gently, talking like she would to a wild animal, glancing back at the family photo. Lexa’s eyes followed hers before she whispered. “It’s them.”

Clarke had almost missed the words, and even after hearing them, they still made no sense at all. “Them? What do you mean? Lexa, they’re my parents.”

Hands shaking, Lexa reached out, almost touching the glass before dropping her hand and turning to Clarke. Head shaking, Clarke could see the panic starting to make it’s way back onto Lexa’s face. “It’s them Clarke,” she said, louder this time, attracting the attention of the others at the table, just outside the hall. They heard chairs scraping along the floor and were shortly joined by the others, concern clear on their faces.

“I.. I Don’t understand Lexa. Please… help me understand. How do you know my parents? Who are they to you?” Lexa looked into pleading blue eyes. She knew that this information would shake the blonde’s world and that was the last thing she wanted. This beautiful, caring girl in front of her was about to get dragged into the cruel world that Lexa had come to know like the back of her scarred hands. “Please Lex,” Clarke whispered.

“They are… Clarke. That is the man who took me from the facility. He was there that night. And the lady in the picture was one of the doctors who cared for me in the basement… In your basement.” Clarke gasped at the information. Shaking her head, her mind began to fill with so many unanswered questions. How was this even possible? Why was her dad there that night? How much did her parents know?

Lexa took a step towards the blonde, grabbing her elbow as she watched the girl sway on unsteady legs, not faring much better herself in the scheme of things. Clarke looked up at her, tears clearly clouding her eyes. “You were there? In my house?” Lexa nodded slowly before answering, even though they already knew the answer. “I was there in your basement for months, Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, I fly out to Japan for 3.5 weeks on Thursday so I won't be updating until I get back from holidays :(  
> I'm so sorry to leave you with this little cliff hanger but I'm hoping the chapter I provide on return makes up for it.  
> If you're still following this story, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  
> I hope you will stick with me till the end. Until soon x


	8. Tell Me A Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long!!! Japan was amazing!! I was lucky enough to experience the beautiful country before all this craziness!  
> Back home now :) No more holidays for a while and definitely getting back into writing :D  
> I do have to apologise for this chapter though... it's a little bit shorter and doesn't answer the questions that were raised in the last chapter.  
> I wanted just a little bit of sweetness before things get a bit crazy again.  
> The conversation and answers are definitely coming in the next chapter and now that I'm back home and writing, there should only be a couple of day's wait :)  
> As always... I really hope you enjoy and appreciate any feedback xx

_“I was there in your basement for months, Clarke.”_

Stunned silence filled the room as the girls took in what Lexa had just told them; none of them really able to believe what they were hearing. Clarke, struggling to process the new information felt herself begin to shake. Beginning with her hands, she lost all sense of reality as time seemed to slow down and the cold shiver spread rapidly throughout her body. Staring back at Lexa, she watched in slow motion as the other girl’s eyes widened in concern and felt a hand reach out and grab hold of her forearm.

“Clarke?” It sounded like a far away echo to the blonde.

“Clarke? Look at me. C’mon Clarke.”

Clarke felt herself being lead from the hallway and looked around once she was gently forced to take a seat, realizing that she was now sitting in their cozy lounge room with Octavia and Raven on her right, and Lexa kneeling in front of her.

Her body still shaking, Clarke’s mind quickly went back to Lexa’s words. She had been there for months. Her parents played a part in all of this. They were somehow involved and Clarke was unable to push away the feelings of anger and fear that began to build up inside of her. “Clarke?” Lexa whispered, afraid to push the girl further than she already had.

Lexa watched as the blonde began to shake her head from side to side while her blue eyes remained unfocused. Acting quickly, Lexa grabbed the blonde’s hands, pulled them to her and raised her voice, hoping to snap Clarke out of it. 

“Clarke! Look at me!”

While the shaking continued, blue eyes slowly looked up and focused on the green eyes staring back at her in concern.

“You had nothing to do with this Clarke,” Lexa said gently now that she had the other girl’s attention. “You’re okay. It’ll be okay,” she reassured her, hoping her words would have the desired effect.

“How?” Clarke’s voice croaked out, sounding like she hadn’t spoken for days. “How can you say that it’ll be okay Lexa?” she exasperated. “None of this is okay!”

“Clarke…” Raven tried.

“No Rae!” Clarke quickly stood up, unintentionally knocking Lexa back onto the ground. “They knew! They were involved! What? How did they... They clearly knew what was happening! For all we know, they are one of them! They knew you guys were trapped in that… that hellhole and they just let it go on! They let you….” Lexa watched from the ground as blue eyes focused on her, swimming with tears. A quick shake of her head and the blonde began pacing the room again. “You got hurt,” she forced out as though the words physically hurt her and Lexa had a hard time keeping a clear mind while watching the pain flicker across Clarke’s face. It was almost like she herself, could feel the pain radiating from every cell in the blonde’s wired body. “They let you get hurt. You were hurt and alone and they just left you in there!”

“It’s okay Clarke,” Lexa gently pressed and just as quickly as it began, the pacing stopped and Clarke turned back to the girls.

“How can you be so calm? How are you not freaking out right now?” she asked Lexa.

A small smirk appeared on Lexa’s face despite the serious topic of conversation.

“Honestly? I have no idea,” she replied, shaking her head and looking down at her lap. “I’m probably going to go home and totally lose it.”

An amused snort was heard from Anya, breaking the look of concern that had still been gracing her normally stoic face. “Damn straight,” she mumbled, knowing how true those words were, as Lexa glared at her from the ground before turning back towards Clarke.

“All I know is that we can’t jump to conclusions here. Your parents were kind to me Clarke. They helped me get out of there. I don’t know how much they knew but from what we know of those people, they had too many people on the inside. Even if your parents went to the authorities, nothing would have happened and innocent lives would have been taken,” Lexa took a breath, smirk long gone from her face. She still struggled to even speak about the past but needed to calm the other girl down. She still had a hold of Clarke’s now clammy hands and squeezed them, holding on a little bit tighter.

“Lexa’s right Clarke! Mama and papa G are good people… they would have gotten us out if they could,” Raven placed her arm around Clarke’s hunched shoulders. “You know they would have Clarke.”

“I need to call them,” Clarke decided. “Where’s my phone?” she looked around the room, trying to orientate herself.

“It’s late Clarke, maybe we should sleep on it,” O suggested as the others nodded in agreement. “N..no, I need to call them. We need to find out what they know.”

“Clar-“

“Lexa, please” Clarke pleaded. Realising that this was going nowhere fast, Anya took this as her chance to step in. “Nope. C’mon Lexa, we’re heading home. Clarke, you can come around tomorrow morning and we can call your parent’s then. I think we can safely say that none of you will be fit for work or study tomorrow right?” she asked, looking around at the others as they all agreed. “Good. I’ll stay with you tonight Lexa and they can meet at yours around 9ish? Suit you?” Lexa sighed, knowing that she had no say when Anya was on a roll.

“Sounds good to us!” Raven added, hoping that their friend agreed with them.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked quietly as the other girl took a deep breath in and held it before slowly exhaling and nodding. “Okay,” she agreed finally and there was a collective sigh throughout the room.

As the other three quickly moved to clear the table before ending the night, Lexa and Clarke stayed where they were and tried to calm their racing thoughts.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked quietly.

“No. Are you?” Clarke asked in return, still unable to really process what had gone down in the last couple of hours.

Lexa looked up at Clarke, eyes connecting, slowly shaking her head. “I’m not sure if I’ll ever be okay Clarke,” she answers honestly. For some reason, she felt like she had to warn the blonde of that fact. “I ah… I’m not normal Clarke. None of this is normal… or safe,” she whispered, looking down.

“Hey,” Clarke sat down in front of Lexa who was still resting on the lounge room floor and waited for the other girl to look back up. “None of us are normal. Fuck normal right?” she asked, successfully making Lexa chuckle to herself. Oh how she longed to hear a full, belly laugh leave those lips. “This is all so crazy Lex. It’s crazy.”

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly.

“So what do we do?” Clarke asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

“I don’t know…” Lexa replied, heart rate increasing slightly at the thought of having to do something about all of this. Did she really want to dig any further into her past? She knew right away that the answer was a definite no but she couldn’t help feeling that she owed it to the girl sitting in front of her. She didn’t want to be the reason for the obvious distress that the blonde girl was still in. They needed answers.

At the sound of a throat clearing, both girls looked up to see Anya leaning against the doorframe with one eyebrow raised in question. “Ready?” she asked Lexa as they got up off the floor. “Yeah ready,” Lexa replied as they made their way to the front door. There was a moment of awkward silence once they got there. It was clear that no one knew what to do or say. There was a definite hesitance to leave things as they were but realistically, they knew not much could have been done at that hour of the night. Anya looked to Raven after a moment, breaking the silence. “9am ok? You remember the address?”

“Yep, all over it. We’ll be there 9am sharp.”

And with that, the girls all shared one last fleeting look before turning and parting ways. Resting her head on the now closed door, Clarke took a deep breath in and tried to shake the overwhelming loneliness that suddenly washed over her at Lexa’s departure.

“C’mon Griff,” Raven said gently as Octavia placed her arms around Clarke’s middle. “Let’s go to bed.”

***

“Stop.”

Lexa had only taken one single step into her apartment before she heard the word and braced herself for what she knew was coming. “What Anya?” she sighed.

“You know what. Stop your mind right now okay? I don’t care what you have to do. Have a drink, or a bath, or a smoke… hell, go masturbate for all I care! Just don’t let you mind run away ok? Stay present with me Lex… It’ll be okay remember? Just like you told Clarke.”

As ridiculous as Anya sounded right now, Lexa knew she was right. She was always right and she knew Lexa too well after years of living together.

“C’mon…. Lets just get to bed okay? I’ll take the couch for tonight.”

Knowing better than to argue with her, Lexa nodded and went to her bedroom and grabbed her tracksuit before making her way into the shower. Stripping off her clothes and stepping under the hot spray, Lexa tried to clear her mind. Tapping into all the meditation techniques she had tried to master over the years, she let the water sooth her sensitive skin and let the nothingness flow through her veins. ‘Breathe in…’ She definitely wasn’t going to sleep tonight.

***

Clarke was wide-awake and didn’t like her chances of finding any peaceful sleep tonight. Raven and Octavia had helped her change and get into bed, throwing concerned glanced to each other when they thought she wasn’t looking. After reassuring them for the tenth time that she would be okay and promising to call out to them if she needed them, they finally left her room and climbed into their own beds. After that, Clarke had spent what felt like the next hour tossing and turning before giving up and grabbing her phone. Before she lost her nerve, she started to type out a message to Lexa, praying that she wouldn’t disturb the other girl.

C: Hey, it’s Clarke. You awake?

She quickly slammed her phone down on the bed beside her, closed her eyes tightly and held her breath. ‘Why am I so nervous? It’s just a simple message, right?’ she asked herself. Moments later she felt her phone vibrate in her clenched hand and felt her heart leap in her chest. She’d answered. Lexa was messaging her back.

Lexa: Yeah I’m up. Can’t sleep?

Clarke: Nope… you?

Lexa: Nope

Clarke had to smile at the conversation playing out across her screen. Lexa clearly wasn’t good at this texting business and it made her wonder if the brunette had actually done this before with anyone besides Anya.

Clarke: Tell me a secret!

Lexa: … What?

Clarke: C’mon! Tell me a secret Lex! I can’t sleep so I need a distraction

Lexa: uhh… I don’t know if you’re ready for my kind of secrets Clarke

Clarke’s attempt at lightening the mood quickly died with that response. For a second there, Clarke had actually forgotten how traumatic Lexa’s life had been. For a second there, all she could focus on was that the shy girl with pretty green eyes was texting her back.

Clarke: Shit! Sorry Lexa :/ Feel free to kick me every time I put my giant foot in my mouth…

Lexa: It’s really okay Clarke

Clarke: yeah…

Clarke closed here eyes and lowered her head back down with a sigh. Her life had been so simple. She had had her ups and downs like any other normal student in their early 20’s but she had still looked at the world with a sense of naïve optimism. She had the ability to see the absolute best in people and it was something that she prided herself on. Now however, the picture of the world as she knew it was blurring. Right now, each time she closed her eyes; she couldn’t help but picture the absolute worst of humanity and that fact alone truly terrified her.

Lexa: Tell me a secret Clarke…

Clarke was shaken out of her spiraling thoughts when the message came through and it instantly lightened her heart just a little bit. For as badly as she wished she was still living in that state of blissful optimism, she was beginning to realize that a life without Lexa in it would have been a tragedy all on its own.

***

Lexa worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she stared down at her phone’s screen. Quietly chastising herself for being socially inept and ruining any chance she had of having a light hearted conversation with Clarke. Sending through another text quickly, hoping that it would lighten to mood once again, Lexa placed her phone back down beside her pillow and waited. Was it too much to ask for things to go as planned for once in her life? Surely after everything she had been through, she deserved a little peace in her life and if she were religious, she would be having some pretty serious words with god right about now. But as usual, she couldn’t stop the voices in her head planting their seeds of doubt at the thought of deserving more. She was a freak wasn’t she? A monster... that is what they had made them believe. Nothing but a weapon. An object to be used to inflict pain on others. That was her purpose was it not? How could someone… _something_ that was designed to hurt others deserve happiness.

Clarke: When I was 11, I convinced a couple of boys in my grade that I was Batman’s daughter and could beat them at anything! I jumped off the jungle gym to prove that I could fly and broke my arm… didn’t even flinch! Batman’s daughter doesn’t cry right?!? Anyway… Mum went totally crazy! As she was yelling at me about how irresponsible my actions had been, dad was standing behind her giving me a secret high five! He was so proud :D

And just like that, Lexa couldn’t control the bubble of laughter that built up in her chest and flew past her lips. Who the hell was this girl? It seemed almost effortless for her to make things feel just a little bit better. To make Lexa feel just a little bit safer.

Lexa: I wish I knew you when we were younger

Clarke: God, so do I Lex! We would have made a pretty wicked team right? ;)

Smiling fondly down at her phone, Lexa let her mind imagine a world with the two; young care free girls running wild. She’d never hoped more than in that moment, that things could have been different.

Lexa: We would have been too much for this world Clarke

Clarke: Hell yeah we would have! J

Lexa: Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now?

Clarke: I dunno… maybe?

Lexa: Is that a question?

Clarke: I dunno…. Maybe? :’D

Shaking her head at the other girl’s antics, Lexa felt her body begin to relax into her mattress. It was surprising just how relaxing talking to Clarke was. Quickly sending another text back, the small smile still hadn’t left her lips.

Lexa: Go to sleep Clarke. I’ll see you in the morning?

Clarke: See you in the morning. Sweet dreams Lexa x

Shutting her phone away, Lexa closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She might actually get some sleep after all and for once, her mind drifted towards visions of blue instead of the normal chaos that plagued her nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get interesting!


End file.
